I hope it works

I'm not a spanker. I'm not firmly against a swat on the bottom to get attention when nothing else is working, but how can you expect a child to understand hitting is wrong if you use hitting as discipline. We use time out with Bayleigh. Or I should say we try to use time out. She's a very strong willed child. Very strong willed and if it isn't her will to sit down, you are going to have to sit on her to keep her in the chair.

The terrible twos seem to have waited to attack full on at three. We definitely notice a strong correlation between food and her behavior and are trying to greatly limit artificial coloring, especially brightly colored candies and fruit punch. Fruit punch + Bayleigh = wildfire out of control. Out. Of. Control. And just you try putting her in time out. She had one of these episodes this past weekend. We tried everything to reign her in. Alyssa put her in the tub and it worked for a few minutes, until she decided to sling with both hands water out of the tub and onto the floor. Bath time over. Fit throwing resumes.

We finally got her to settle down by getting her to use my peak flow meter.  It was really just a distraction, but taking deep breaths helped her to calm down to a reasonable level and wind down for bedtime.

Boy, that was a wordy bunch jibber-jabber to get to the meat of this post. I had this pinned on pinterest. Yes, again with the pinterest. I'm a junkie folks,. but in a good way. She calls it a mind jar and made hers with glitter glue, water, food coloring and glitter.

I made one for Bayleigh today. I didn't have any glitter glue on hand so I just used some gel tacky glue.

 
I filled a jar with water. I think this jar holds about 2 cups.

Then I added a few drops of food dye,

about 2/3 of the container of glue,

and several shakes of glitter.

I started out with a large flake glitter, but it sank too quickly.

This very fine Martha Stewart glitter floated slowly to the bottom.

The idea is you give it a good shake and let the child hold the jar while in time out, watching the glitter fall to the bottom is soothing and calming and also a timer of sorts.

I kept adding glue and glitter until it took about 2 minutes for the glitter to settle to the bottom.

Long enough for a screaming banshee to settle back into a sweet toddler. I hope. We shall see.

 

Comments

[Pine Tree Home]

Whatever works...give it a try. I laughed at your screaming banshee comments. I don't have kids of my own, but I have a family full of little ones. I have seen the screaming banshee all too often. I think the glitter jar would be a great distraction. I'd even like one for my desk at work...when I want to turn into a screaming banshee.

[Denise]

Red dye can be very troublesome, in my opinion. You would be very surprised how many products contain red dye. I love your "time-out" jar. We are also a "spank-free" family.

[Ivy Mae]

Ha, I have a 2 year old son who is very active on good days and uncontrollable on bad ones! We have noticed huge improvements when we don't let him eat processed food or sugar. Now if only we could convince the grandparents to stop giving him that stuff, we'll really be on a roll!

[Wylie]

You better make really sure she can't get the top off the jar! Yikes! That would be an awful mess! :)

[Miss Holly]

What a fantastic idea!!! My neighbor is going through this with her 3 year old right now...it is a really tough time for all...I am going to make her one pronto..but I may use a plastic jar. Just in case!!!!

[Karen C. Riley]

I am not opposed to spanking, but it strongly sounds like there is a correlation between what your grandbaby eats and how she reacts. I've also heard avoiding highly processed foods such as hot dogs, etc, can help in such cases. As well as replacing fruit for sweets most of the time. Good luck with turning you banshee back into a sweet Bayleigh!! :-)

[MissNibbles]

I am willing to do whatever it takes to get good behavior. I think the important parts of spanking is the person spanking needs to be in control of themselves, instead of just like a kid kind of slapping at the other person because they are mad. I don't spank often, but with different children it's more effective. My daughter just needs a firm word, and she won't do it again. My son on the other hand...

When he was 2 he started smearing poop. On the walls, on the floor, every single day. I tried yelling, I tried making him clean it, I tried sobbing uncontrollably (let's pretend I did that one on purpose)... I tried hot sauce on the tongue, I tried every thing that a parents had suggested to me. I tried duct taping the diaper on. And then someone suggested a cold shower, you just dump them in the shower, spray them in the face, and basically make them cry. And I felt SO bad the first time I did it. But it was three months of poop smeared all over the house daily! And I did it, and he smeared poop one more time. And I did it one more time. And he stopped. Thank heavens. He stopped.

That said, my friend had a child go really bonkers if she ate much sugar, and she changed her diet fairly drastically as a test for one week, and her child completely stopped punching and biting and kicking. All from a diet change. So, I'd look into that too.

[Cheryl]

I'm not opposed to spanking but I feel like a mama needs more tools in her tool by than just a spanking. I like the mind jar. It may work at times and other times you may need to pull out a different tool depending on the situation. Maybe a distraction, maybe a hug, maybe a nap, maybe a nutritious snack, etc. I have 3 boys and a baby girl. My second boy is just coming out of a very hard stage where a spanking didnt work. My mil advised me to not let him get too tired or too hungry. Good advice for him. And I upped his protein intake that helped level him out. He's much better now! Thank goodness! Good luck to you. Iit's a hard place to be but you'll make it out alive, promise!!

[lisa]

Very interesting suggestions. You are going to have to tell us if this works. And I too hope that it isn't glass :)

[Elaine]

Neat little jar...

[domesticali]

Nice idea...... but I tell you what I'd do with it if someone handed it to me in the midst of a shrieking tantrum!! I found fruit juice really set my eldest off - it was the sudden spike in blood sugar, especially on an empty stomach.

[Jes]

That is a very cool idea. My BFF son is allergic to red dye and he becomes a raging maniac when he has it, si I totally understand. I hope that this helps her calm down and I will certainly keep it in mind when my 1.5 yr old gets the crazies!

[Emily]

Please do update us as to how this works! I saw it on pinterest too... and my 3 yr old is just the same - the crazy has just begun! lol. I think she'd throw the jar though then I'd have glitter mess in my carpet. Any idea where I could find a clear plastic jar? Maybe the peanut butter container... lol. Can't wait to hear how this works! good luck!

[Rosa Robichaud]

I remember when my first born.... now 28 yrs old, would start running circles around EVERYTHING!!! I finally realized that it was all things "purple"... Fruit Loop cereal being REAL nasty!

I had mentioned this to my mother. Anyhow, one weekend they had Adam at their summer camp and she gave him some Fruit Loops. My parents were STUNNED at his transformation!!!

And, until I read your blog, I thought I had the only child that was affected by artificial colorings...

I wish I had your glitter jar idea. That would have helped, I'm sure!

*grin*

Tks!

Rosa Robichaud
Saint John, New Brunswick
Canada

[Witchypoo67]

I LOVE this idea. My 3yo is certainly trying it on, but the last few days I have just completely ignored the bad behaviour - as hard as it is to do. And there has been a HUGE improvement. I should have figured it out earlier, but my son was not at all like this. Reward the good behaviour, but ignore the bad behaviour. We have tried a "calm down stool" as well, but it is impossible to maintain and i am constantly giving her attention when she her behaviour is unacceptable.
Thankyou, and it is lovely to know that i am not alone or special :)

[patty]

My daughter's 3 years old and still has some of those fits you're talking about. I noticed it happens when she 's tired (quite difficult to get her to bed early these summer days...) or when she hasn't had proper meals for whatever reasons... I love your idea and can't wait to know how it works. We told our daughter we can understand she's still incapable of handling her emotioNS BUT we're not ready to stand her screaming (we = parents+ young bro). Since we live in a flat, she has to go screaming in her bedroom and she's allowed to come back when quiet. It does not always works. She sometimes needs a good cuddle to let the steam out. Anyway, one book really helped us understand how this young little girl works: How to parent by Dr Dodson. It's good to know it's part of the growing not just because we, parents, can't control her. The feedback technique he explains really works to help her express her emotions...
GOOD LUCK!

[Jenn]

Great idea! I might give this a try - we're coming up on the terrible 2's.

[Allison]

Food allergies can make kids totally unreasonable, so good for you trying to limit her exposure to some things that seem to make Bayleigh crazy. (Food allergies can also manifest sometimes when the kid has been eating the food just fine for years.) One thing that helps in our house (we also prefer not to spank) is "take a break" which is not quite the same as time-out. It's not really a punishment, it's just a cool-down period. I explain that my 2-y-o DS is getting upset, and that it's making me upset too, so we're going to go take a break until we're not upset anymore. We go sit on the couch together. He can have toys, etc. as long as he stays on the couch. I ask him to take deep breaths. Eventually he runs out of steam and comes into my lap (it usually doesn't take that long, maybe 3-5 minutes). I don't want to punish him for displaying emotions, but do want to demonstrate that there are ways of dealing with overwhelming emotions that are less destructive than hitting, throwing himself against walls, etc. This is such a difficult behavior, good luck finding something that works for you! (I hope your glitter jar helps!)

[Autum]

Hi Patty,

Bayleigh is definitely more prone have meltdowns when she is tired.  Really she has very little tolerance to any shift from comfortable. Hot/cold, hungry, tired.  Instead of slowing down when shes tired, its as if she gets wound really tight and starts bouncing off the walls, the couch, the dog...

Thanks for the book suggestion.

xo Autum

[Autum]

Hi Jenn,

Weve  not used it in time-out yet, yesterday was a good day, but we did use it as a timer. She didnt want to get out of the tub, so I gave the jar a shake, sat it on the dcounter and told her when the glitter was settled on the bottom it would be time to get out. She liked the idea of watching and letting me know when time was up.

Some have voiced concern that in the middle of a tantrum she may throw the jar. If she is in the middle of one of those fits, I will not expect her to hold the jar, I will put it on a table beside the chair. 

Let me know if you try it and how it works.

xo Autum

[Autum]

Hi Allison,

Thanks for your helpful input. This is new territory for us. My two children were pretty laid back and not at all prone to tantrums and shes Alyssas only child, so we are all learning as we go. Patience being the most important thing. Weve learned we have to have lots of patience.
It is a bit of a relief to find that certain foods make it worse, and seeing that eliminating those make a big difference.

I love what you said about not punishing her for displaying emotions. We just need to give her better tools to express those emotions.

Take Care!

xo Autum

[Autum]

You definitely are not alone.  Have you ever watched Super Nanny? Her method for time out involves putting the child on the naughty chair. I think thats what she calls it and then ignore them for the time they are required to stay. Totally doesnt work with Bayleigh. She screams and yells and gets out of the chair as soon as you turn your back.
The jar is really intended to be a visual distraction and it gives her some control in that she can get up when the glitter settles. I havent had to use it yet, but I think it will at least be helpful in providing some distraction.

xo Autum

[Alisa]

My daughter was a joy at two and now has her shrieking banshee moments as well. When it happens it's hard to tell what started it and what I can do to help her get control of herself. It's almost like she can't stop once she starts. Please keep us posted, I would really like to know how this goes for you and your little...

[Tracy]

I can totally relate. I like the mind jar and the peak flow meter. We were told to give cotton balls and have my son blow them off his hand, or across the table. Great idea...if he's interested, LOL. But you know, you can lead a horse to water....I highly recommend "Raising your Spirited Child" by Mary Shelley Kurcinka (might have that misspelled). Awesome book. I also know many parents who had great two year olds, but age 3 was horrible.
I also know several children who react to corn products, and since corn syrup is in just about everything...possibly even in the fruit punch...Those kids tend to get wild, almost violent even. Keeping a food journal is a great ideal and serving foods that don't need an ingredient list.
In that book, I think it was, she talks about cycles of change. For some kids, it's the 6 months before a birthday, some have it the six months after a birthday...that was my son, who also couldn't cope with the summer heat/humidity (and the lights at Wal-Mart...) that came with his birthday. He could scream for 45 minutes non-stop. Two of my 3 are spirited and have sensory processing dysfunction, so I understand :)

[Cindy Ballagh]

I have a child with sensory processing disorder, and I am going to try this. I am concerned though that he may break the glass in a fit,so I am going to have to look for something non breakable.