Saying goodbye is never easy

In the past year, we've said goodbye to three four-legged members of our family. Gracie died last May, very unexpectedly. She was ten years old.  She died in my arms and took a little piece of my heart with her. 

Last month we made the very difficult decision that life was just too hard for our Angel. She was nearly sixteen, blind, nearly deaf and very, very feeble. Arthritis made it difficult to walk. I hoped she would peacefully go in her sleep, but I came to the realization that keeping her alive was more for my well-being than hers. Life had no joy for her anymore. I  tearfully had to face the truth.

 

Then a couple of nights ago, our little Lucky man was hit by a car. He was only three years old. I'm just heartbroken that he died such a violent death. Alone. I miss the little guy so much. Every time I sit in this chair I still expect to hear his little paws running my way to snuggle up next to me. When I lay down at night I wait to hear him jumping on the side of the bed, ready to be helped up. I know the hurt will lessen and seeing his little face in pictures will bring about a smile instead of tears. I'm just not there yet. 

 

That's a quart sized can of paint- he was such a tiny baby.

 

Each of these creatures came into our lives and made themselves at home in our hearts. They had distinct personalities and quirky little qualities that made them special and lovable. I miss them so, and am so glad to have shared my home and heart with them if only for a short time.

In the span of a year, we've gone from a four dog family to just one. I loved each of them as if they were a child and my heart is surely a lot fuller because of the love and joy they brought to my life. Toby will certainly be overprotected, but he doesn't mind the extra doting and attention, one bit.

 

Man, this was a hard post to write! Looking at all those old pictures was heartbreaking. I really, really miss my sweet wet nosed babies. Sniff, sniff...

Comments

[Autum]

Thank you Patricia. I was going to include those photos too, but I was already a blubbering mess by the time I  got the others posted. He was a sweetie who loved to snuggle. Ill really miss that about him most.

Take Care!!

xo Autum

[Autum]

Thank you so much for the hugs and understanding, Lori!

xo Autum

[autum]

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[Autum]

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[autum]

For someone like myself who is home all day with the dogs, their habits and routines get so deeply ingrained in my mind- like the ticking of a clock in the background, it just becomes part of you.

[Ms B. Thrift]

Huge hugs!! It's so heartbreaking losing a family pet who is a valued member and loved little character, it's awful you've had to go through this 3 times, and i think the violent and untimely death of a young pet is even more painful, when you know they had so much life left in them :( I am so sorry, give yourself time and space to grieve. What lovely photos. Thank you for sharing!

[Mary]

I am so so sorry. Our animals teach us so many lessons. I think of what a more peaceful place the world would be if everyone had the joy of having one pet in their lives. Your comments about you sitting in your chair made me want to share this with you... a column I wrote about the loss of a beloved pet and not being able to sit down just yet... maybe you will find some comfort in it. Hugs to you.
http://www.explorehoward.com/opinion/61754/where-sadness-takes-seat/

[Autum]

Mary,
Thank you for sharing your beautiful words about your beloved Squirrel. Lucky acquired me, too. When my daughter was dating her husband, he got Lucky, with out checking first to see if it was OK with his room mate. It was not OK, so Lucky stayed with me and I was his human from day one. He was fairly antisocial for a dog, but boy did he love me and I him.
Take Care!!

xo Autum

[Cynmar10]

I don't see how you wrote this. I have cried all the way through it. I had not lost a pet in a long time until my 12 year old cat died in my arms one Sunday morning. The pain was so strong. People who aren't "animal people" just don't understand how they are like members of our family. I have just found your blog and look forward to reading it and getting to know you through it.

[Karen C. Riley]

My heart goes out to you right now. Some people may not be able to understand how much pain we feel because, after all, they are "just dogs". But, they are so much more than that.

Dogs provide such unconditional love. And comfort when all the other people around you are just as distressed as you may be. I have to "furry babies" of my own as I call my two dachshunds (one long-hair angel and a wire-hair darling).

I can't imagine how hard it was on you, but I know that the pain will lessen with time, even though the memories will always be dear.

[Marty]

They really are family, aren't they? I hope we can hang on to our two Westies for a long time yet. If you need another baby to adopt, I know of a small dog rescue group that could probably hook you up with another wet nose.

So sorry for your loss. ;o(

[daisy]

I'm reading this at work and tears streaming down my face - I too lost my Timmy 3 weeks ago today - he was hit by a water truck on the rural road that I live on - and with maybe three vehicles on that road in a day was very unlucky to be in the wrong place at the wrong time...so my thoughts are with you Autum - not sure how long it will take to get over it - I cried myself to sleep just last night.

[UK lass in US]

I'm so sorry for you losses - how heartbreaking. I'm dreading the day when I might come to find out how that feels.

[Autum]

Karen,

Thank you so much for your kind and understanding words! Yes they are indeed more than just dogs

Have a lovely day : )

xo Autum

[Autum]

Thank you Marty. I think Im going to remain a one dog family for a little while. Im sure Ill eventually get another, but Im just not ready yet : )

Have a lovely day!

xo Autum

[Autum]

We live on a rural road too and have a really big yard. I think Lucky was following the cat around and she is more accustomed to navigating traffic to explore whats on the other side of the road. It was at night and I had no idea he was outside.

Going about the daily routine is the toughest, isnt it? I catch myself expecting him to be there and then remember he isnt.

Im so sorry about your Timmy. As much as it hurts to lose one, I wouldnt trade all those wet kisses and snuggles for anything.

xo Autum

[Autum]

I hope its many, many years away. I can say for my experience, losing Angel, the 15 year old was a sweeter sort of sadness, if that makes sense. I miss her, but it isnt as acutely painful, I guess because in reality, much of her sweet spirit had been slipping away for quite a while. She had become a shell that just existed.

Take Care!!

xo Autum

[Nina Diane]

I'm so sorry.....that's the worst part of having those precious babes! they just don't have our life span. My Chrissy girl will be 11 this November. I hate her getting older! ~hugs~

[Autum]

Thank you for your words of understanding!

I agree, you have to be an animal person to fully understand the bond. Its a strong one, thats for sure!

Im so sorry about your cat. I do understand the heartbreak.

xo Autum

[karen k]

That was a beautiful, heartbreaking post. My family has just recently lost a 16 year-old dog who was with us for 14 of those years. What you must feel, to lose 3 in such a short period...I can only offer sympathy and hope that you can find solace in your Toby.

[Tammy Campbell]

Hugs to you Autumn I lost two of my beloved dogs last November one was 13 and one was 11 both rescues and both to disease to which I had no control. It is very very hard to lose our beloved friends,they were both rescues and I know that i gave them a wonderful life the same as you have done for your babies. remember that you loved them and they knew that............

[Joy]

So sorry to hear about your losses... it is a very hard thing to lose our babies. I just now can look at pictures of my POCO and he passed 7 years ago at 17 years old.. but he still hurt to lose him.. Hugs to you .