Let's see if I remember how to do this...

I've been missing this place. It feels a bit strange to be back, after so long away. So much to say. Do I blurt it all out in one long rambling post or break down into quick bite size chunks?? I guess since Bayleigh is sleeping, I'll just write what I can and go from there.

Why the long absence, I guess that's as good a place as any to start. I think in my last post I wrote about being sick and in the hospital. That was one of those life changing events folks. A stop and take inventory of what really matters event. I was sicker than I've ever been and for the first time in my life I felt like I was getting a glimpse into what my mother must have felt like during the last part of her life. I've had this lung disease all of my life. It's the only life I've known, but this was different. I was completely wiped out just being still. Short of breath with no exertion. I had to gather my strength to get up and go to the bathroom. The scary part was that it came from out of nowhere. No gradual decline and I was terrified that I had progressed to this level and life as I knew it would be no more. I was so scared that my lung function had declined to such a point that I would have to very seriously face the prospect of transplant.  I also experienced some very scary anxiety. It wasn't a fun time. Getting out of the hospital and beginning to feel like me again felt like a gift. During the time I was sick I didn't feel like being on the computer and once I started feeling better it became evident that I wanted to do more with my time than stare at a computer. I realized that much of what I was reading led to feelings of inadequacy and frustration.

I started this blog completely blind about blogging. I had no plans other than to take some pictures of things I'd sewn or spray painted or talk about my dogs. I was surprised when other people actually found their way to my blog and even more surprised when they liked it and continued to read. I had a small little circle of blog friends and I loved it. I'd be so excited if I got a few comments. Over time the circle of friends got wider and the people who read my blog on a daily basis grew and I began to feel pressure to write something interesting, to post what I felt like people would want to read. If people were going to actually subscribe to my blog I wanted it to be worthy of their time. I loved the challenge it provided. My sewing skills improved and I loved learning about how to make my blog look pretty. I learned so much reading other blogs and tackled projects I would have otherwise felt impossible. All because of blogging. Then something began to shift. I started to feel like my little blog was sitting in the middle of the interstate with blogs flying past me left and right. Brand new blogs exploding with readers. Blogs with sponsors. Blogs giving away fabulous prizes. I felt like my blog was an 80s honda civic among a mass of convertible BMWs and although I kept telling myself, self, you started this blog for you. You don't need to try to compete with anyone, that's not what it's about. It's not a high school popularity contest. And I said back to myself, Whatever!  No matter how much I told myself it isn't about numbers, I couldn't help but be bothered by it all. I didn't realize exactly how bothered until I was away and I didn't miss it. That little voice that used to be in the back of my mind constantly composing blog posts was quiet for the first time in a long time. And I liked it.  Not only did I step away from my blog, I didn't read others. I think that was the most freeing act of all. How do I say this next part and not offend? I'm not sure I can. Just know that this is my opinion. I'm not saying there is a right way or wrong way to write a blog, I'm just giving my own individual perspective. Here goes, and please don't hate me. I'm saddened by the frenzy that blogging seems to have become. I miss the simple times when it felt like you were sitting at a friend's kitchen table chatting. Money finds a way to taint everything, doesn't it?  I don't fault anyone for making income from their blog. It's a part time or even a full time job for many, and that's great, but now it seems every other blog has sponsors, and with sponsors you have to promote those sponsors in order for them to send you money and if you really want a lot of sponsors you need to prove a lot of people are going to read your blog and potentially visit your sponsor. It makes me so crazy to read a post with a giveaway, but in order to be considered for the giveaway you have to comment here, then comment somewhere else, then become a follower, then write about the contest on your blog. Never mind, it's just too darn hard.  I'm sorry, but I'm just not going to jump through 25 hoops of fire to win some vinyl letters to stick on my wall. I've offended, haven't I? If I did, I'm sorry. Just know I'm coming back to catch up, but I'll be doing it 80s honda civic style. No flashy prizes to giveaway here and there's no telling what I may be blabbering on about. I've done a little furniture painting recently, I'll talk about that. We've experienced some loss in our family, I"ll tell you about that too. We've celebrated goals reached. Some of us are a year older.  I have much to share!

Comments

[katie]

Autum, I totally agree with your post. Let me just say, I have always loved your blog & will always, even without any bells & whistles. I'm glad to hear you're feeling better. Health scares are no fun.

When I find my groove back to blogging, I'll be kickin' it old school with you!

[Bridgette Whittinghill]

I am not offended at all, despite the fact I dont have a blog. I keep telling myself to start one, but am afraid with working full time, I won't have anything interesting to blog about, not to mention the time. I read mostly blogs about quilting, sewing, photography, DIY, etc. and I snagged on to yours a while back and enjoyed all you wrote. After checking on your blog, almost daily, I really started to wonder if you would be back. I am really glad you are back. I enjoyed reading about what was happening in your little part of the world. Keep up the good work and welcome back. Maybe one day I will start a blog.

Bridgette in Kentucky

[UK lass in US]

Nope, not offended - but then I don't have sponsers, don't do the hoop-jumping giveaways and don't check how many people are reading, either. I blog because I don't have any real life friends that wouldn't get bored silly by my talking about sewing and stuff. Amazingly enough, I found people on the internet that do not seem to get bored silly by that sort of stuff. Much to the relief of my real life friends...

[Autum]

Its great to know there are like minds who dont get bored silly by what makes our hearts sing!

xo Autm

[Autum]

Thanks Bridgett, for your kind words and continuing to check in on my blog! I hope I will be able to do better about keeping it updated.

Take Care
xo Autum

[Autum]

Katie,

Thanks! I hope you get your groove back! Ill be watching out for you my old school friend!

xo Autum

[Laila]

I have felt the need to step away from blogging as I felt that I wasn't good enough and life just keeps getting in the way! For what it's worth, I love your ramblings xx

[Patti]

Wow. I really needed to read this. Thank you. You've just put into words what I've been feeling lately...it's comforting to know that I'm not alone in feeling overwhelmed in blogland. I'm so glad you're feeling better.

[Lyn]

First off, I am very glad to hear that your health has improved. As someone who has chronic health issues, I empathize greatly with all that you must have been through and can only imagine how scary that must have been.

Secondly, I was sent this from a good friend and we've been chatting about similar things. Personally, (pardon what I say but) I do not give a d**n about what other people think of me, my blog, or anything else. I am not a mainstream blogger because I don't spend lots of money on stuff that I don't need. I am frugal, live simply, and focus on the small things in life. If readers like that - then great, and if not, I am not going to cry over it. I write what I want to, when I want to, and depending how I feel. I care about others but I don't let that sway my focus on why I blog in the first place.

So you certainly have not insulted me by any means! Keep on focusing on what is important in "your" life. People are fickle, and even with blogging, some days they love you and some they don't. Take care of yourself and your family. Thanks for the encouraging post.

Lyn ---> whose blog is more like a AMC Gremlin or Pacer, lol...

[Tammy Campbell]

Its funny I check this blog everyother day to see your sewing and your decorating but when I go to a blog with adds it just feels so commercialized that I just don't even bother. Advertising is taking over everything and it just bothers me when I am really just interested in getting sewing tips and ideas and see what other people are doing with their creative senses. I think you have a wonderful Blog and that is why I love checking it out.

[Bridgette]

I love your blog, the way you talk, you speak right from your heart.
In order to have sponsers you have to say whetever it takes to attract readers, it would be nearly impossible to stay honest:(
I have so missed you and your little piece of this giant pie we call the blogosphere.
Stay true to yourself, that's what keeps us coming back.

[Diane]

Autumn, I am one of those silent blog followers. Initially I thought I would like to start a blog of my own, but the more I watched and read and saw how things progressed, I wasn't sure I wanted to get involved with all of the intensity and the competition. It has gotten to the point that when I see a blog with a give-away, I don't even finish reading it. From all indications, you are not the only one who has taken back the real reasons for starting a blog in the first place---sharing. And isn't that what so much of our life is about? Sharing and connection. Good for you to stay true to yourself and your convictions. I am probalby considerably older than you and many ofyour reglular blog readers, and I will just step up on my soap box here and say that life is too short to compromise any joy that you may have and find in your friends. I wish you good health, and I look forward to more of your sharing. You touch lives in a postive manner. Please know that.

[LeeAnn]

Oh I am so glad to see you back. I was so happy to see an update in my reader today, I was a little worried for your health after reading your last post , but am glad to see you are on the mend. I feel a little bad as I am always checking in to see if you have posted recently and would hate to have added to your pressure!
I love your blog, I love how you write about real things and fun things, sewing things and decor ideas. A little bit of everything, but everything that is personal to you. That is why I follow x

I totally understand where you are coming from, blogs thatI have started following just seem to have gone crazy, there are less and less "real posts" and its just giveway after giveaway. So you are not alone in feeling like this.I also tend to not comment if there are more than 30 comments already LOL which makes for a lot of lurking.
My blog feels like an old friend to me, it is a place where I ramble about our lives and memories I am making with my family. Some people like to read it, some don't. Thats the way the cookie crumbles, reading your post today has just made me feel even more at peace with my blogging. Thankyou x

[Aimee]

oh, wow! Just today I posted a little something similar on my blog! Yours is one of the first blogs I started reading and I got away from it for awhile, but I'm going back to the basics myself, so you can count on me to stop in from time to time, convertible or not! ;O)

[Shari]

Well said. I'm in the honda behind you. And what a gorgeous daughter you have! Nothing beats little girls (I have three, not so little now).

[Mindy]

This is my first time on your blog. I have never done a give away. I've considered it as that seems the only way to get a bunch of followers. But I also thought about what comes after acquiring a large following...which you've described in detail. I rarely sign up for giveaways, too. I have to really like the prize to bother. Thank you for affirming my decision to not offer give aways on my blog. Congratulations on getting back your life and your integrity.

[Kristen]

Your blog was one of the first I found when I was learning how to sew and googling for help! I have always felt that this was one of the warmest, fun blogs to read. I love your design sense and your stories are always ones that are interesting to read. I also feel like the giveaways and sponsors can sometimes overshadow the blogger's "voice" and turn it into something else entirely which is sad to see.

I am glad you are feeling better and are back to blogging - I have missed your posts! :)

[Dorrie]

I think there may be many of us feeling the same way. I appreciate the eloquent way in which you've put down in words the "stress" the blog express can cause. We all are creative, we all have ideas to share and it's not a race. Have a good day and I hope you're feeling better.

[Amy]

I agree with everything you wrote. I'm tuning out the blogs with all the giveways and sponsors. It's like one long commercial. Not what I'm there to read/see. I love your blog. It's like sitting in the kitchen with a good friend over iced tea.

I'm happy you are well again. That's really scary being sick and feeling out of control.

Prayers for you and yours in the loss of your fur babies.

[Renee Wheeler]

I agree with all the others. I was mesmerized by a particular super blogger but now that blog leaves me feeling empty. I've now settled on just a handful of small blogs to read that are more personal. I don't need another mixer any-damn-way! Glad you are feeling better and writing again. I love the blue jars you made and painting my fireplace is gonna happen ASAP now! And that pillowcase dress on Bailey is precious. Wish I could wear one!!
Welcome back and thank you for being true and honest.

[Sue]

So happy to catch up with your goings-on. Amen about the blog stuff. Honda-civic style is good for me! Love your fireplace re-do and happy to hear you're feeling better. Your daughter is beautiful and what an accomplishment! Bailey is growing so quickly and looks adorable in her pretty new dress!

[denice]

Autum! I missed this post when you wrote it (because I STILL need to jump on the "feed" bandwagon -- I am sure it's simple but I have never taken the time to figure it out). But I am so glad you did (write it, that is). This is all perfectly said. You have been in my bookmarks for years, and like mijk said, above, "it was all so simple back in 2006"! I am in an 80's Civic blog myself... I really enjoy blogging, so I keep coming back to it, but I want to remember that it is "for ME." I, too, took a blog break that included staying away from reading (I simply had less computer time). This year I have to decided to update a bit and showcase more art and all, but I do not want to get sucked into the popularity contest. I enjoy doing giveaways now and then, but I don't like the new style of requiring Facebooking and following and Twittering, etc. I just want to say: Hey, I made this/found this/have this and I don't need it anymore...

Mostly, I want to blog when I can -- and when I want to -- without feeling like I am "supposed to." I don't fault those who are using the blog as a bigger vehicle; each person should do what fits; but I want to be comfortable doing that without any pressure -- mostly from myself!

And as for your blog: I am so glad you're back. Whether you write about the dogs, the beautiful Bayleigh, or your latest project, I'll be here listening. :)