Please forgive my absence... (also forgive the length of this post)

I didn't intend to get so wordy.

An island has occupied my thoughts. Does it sound as if I'm dreaming of a tropical getaway? While that would be quite wonderful, I've been fixated on a different kind of island. Parris Island. For those who've never heard of Parris Island, it's not the kind of place you go to rest and relax. It's the place Marines are made. My son has been there since November 17. In the weeks since he's been away, we've spoken once, for about 2 minutes on Christmas morning. While the KitchenAid was a fabulous gift, it was bumped to second behind that unexpected gift. 

Casey first voiced an interest in the Marines last spring, he had been talking to the recruiter at school. If you've been reading my blog for a while, you may remember I was less than happy about it.  Mitch and I did all we could to try to convince him to rethink this choice. I didn't know very much about the Marines, but I did know Casey. He's a smart kid, really smart, but not at all motivated academically. He bucked authority and wasn't fond of doing what he was told. He shirked even the smallest of responsibilities around the house, like taking out the trash. He never, ever made his bed and loved to sleep late. He was a typical, rebellious teenager.  This talk of joining the Marines just seemed to come out of the blue, like he'd found his quick ticket to freedom. He could be away from his parents, get a paycheck and maybe even get to see some action. Be his own boss for once and to make it even better, he'd get a nice signing bonus. 

I searched the internet for information about the Marines, about false promises that recruiters make, about how mean the drill instructors are. I found videos on you-tube of screaming drill instructors, articles detailing the harsh reality of boot camp. I looked for statistics on Marine injuries and casualties in the war. I printed page after page for him to read. He wasn't fazed. After the initial shock and upset, I think denial set in. Mitch and I decided this was likely just a threat and felt sure when the time came to actually sign on the line, he'd change his mind. I told him, no matter what that recruiter threatens you with, until you step off the bus at Parris Island, you can change your mind. He spent a lot of time with the recruiter, lots of phone contact, visits at school. When we tried to talk to him about when he'd actually be leaving, he said he was in the delayed entry program and he could wait up to a year to actually leave. He was very casual about the whole thing making us all the more sure he'd never really go through with it. But he did. He signed all the necessary paperwork, took the oath and on November 17th he got on a bus in Raleigh destined for Parris Island, South Carolina. 

I said good-bye to him in a hospital room. Alyssa's hospital room. I didn't ride with Mitch to take him to Raleigh, because I needed to be with Alyssa. He came in the room and we hugged. We both cried and hugged like we hadn't hugged in years. There had been such a distance between us for so long and in that room the anger and frustration and resentment melted as the tears flowed. That was on Sunday. Monday night we got a call. Alyssa answered and stood there with a look of horror on her face. She hung up the phone and said it was Casey, but he was yelling, something I couldn't understand, then he said good-bye for now and hung up. I contacted the recruiter to learn that all recruits call home with a scripted message,  just to let you know they've arrived safely.

About 10 days later we got a letter. It was a form letter. He filled in the blanks with his name, the address where we could send mail and signed it. As soon as I had the address I started sending letters. I wrote every day, at least once a day and waited for a letter from him.

Finally after about two weeks I went to the mailbox to find three letters.  He told us a little about what was going on and what he'd been doing. In the third letter I opened, he said it had been several days since they had been able to receive mail and he had not gotten a letter yet. My heart fell. I knew that mail call was the brightest part of a recruits day, so I was intent on making sure he got a letter every day. What happened, why wasn't he getting our mail?  I felt so helpless. In the next letter he told us he was sick. He had a fever and a bad cough. His head hurt so bad he could hardly see. Oh. My. Goodness. The feeling of helplessness, it was awful. Thinking my child is off somewhere being yelled at for hours on end, he's lonely, and sick and I have no way to comfort him. You don't just pick up the phone and ask for an update. We were informed in that first form letter, if there was a family emergency we should contact the red-cross. This ain't summer camp, folks!  Finally we got a letter saying he'd received some mail. His tone was upbeat and he said he was feeling better. He told us about what he was learning, what some of the other recruits where like. Recruit, by the way, is how they come to be known for most of their stay on the island. They refer to themselves in third person, this recruit, these recruits. There is no longer  I or he or him.  They are completely cut off from the world and every step they take is directed by a drill instructor (DI). They have one hour of free time each day and the rest is spent becoming Marines. The thirteen weeks of boot camp are divided into three phases. Phase one is spent mostly breaking them down and driving out civilian ways so that in the next two phases they can be built into US Marines.  {Here is a really good description of  Marine bootcamp} Before they finally graduate as Marines, they face one last challenge, the Crucible. It's a 54 hour training exercise that involves food and sleep deprivation and over 45 miles of marching. During the Crucible the recurits face obstacles that require them to work together. It's a rite of passage they will never forget. Only after completing Crucible are recruits called Marines. It's a title that's hard earned, not given.

In each letter we received it was evident that changes were taking place. The words we were reading were those of a thoughtful, respectful young man who missed home but was determined to reach his goal. Sometimes we'd read his words and wonder what they'd done with our son. Who was this person sounding so positive, so kind, so upbeat and so determined? After about a month, I told him in a letter that I was happy to admit that I was wrong. I tried so hard to convince him that he was making the wrong decision. I worried and I prayed. God answers prayers.  Not always in our time and frequently with a different answer than we had hoped for. I hoped and prayed Casey would change his mind. I wanted to protect him from this torture and I couldn't bare the thought of my son being sent off to war. When people would tell me, joining the Marines will be good for him, it's just what he needs, it would make me mad. I'd think easy for you to say, it's not your son. Now? Now I feel like instead of loosing my son, the Marines have given him back. Though physically, there are many miles between us, we've never been so close.

In one of his early letters he said he was going to church. That's one of the few choices they can make and he was choosing to go. Each week he'd tell us something about church. Then he told us he did fine in the gas chamber. He said he was a little nervous, but he prayed before going in and did fine. Those words took my breath. That's something Casey never would have said. He prayed? Not only is he going to church, something he wouldn't do at home, he's relying on the strength of the Lord to help him through challenges. I may not be able to be there with him, but he's not alone. 

**

We try so hard as parents to shield and protect. We want to spare our children as much pain as possible, when perhaps it's in times of pain they learn the most valuable lessons.  Casey had to be stripped of everything to realize what really mattered to him.  He had to be completely broken down to get to the place where he could be whole. He's thriving on the structure and he loves the feeling of accomplishment that each challenge brings. I still worry about the future and can't let myself think about the war, not yet, but I feel good about the road he's on. Really good. Back in November I said good-bye to a very nervous boy. Now I'm counting down the days to February 12th when I will get to see my son, the confident young man, who has earned the title of US Marine.

**The above photo may, or may not be Casey. There is a message board, for recruit families. Sometimes when people attend graduation they take photos of other platoons and post them on the message board, so that maybe a parent or spouse can catch a glimpse of their loved one. I scanned at least a hundred photos looking for Casey. This one was part of a larger photo that I zoomed in and cropped. It looks just like him and it is his platoon.  Alyssa, Mitch, and I feel sure it's him. Others have voiced doubt. They say his eyebrows are too dark, he doesn't have a five o'clock shaddow.... For now, I'm calling him Casey. When I look at him, it gives me a sense of connection. That's enough for me.

Comments

[Joni-MI]

I'm so glad for you, that it has turned out to be positive for Casey and for your family. How proud you must be, and your pride will know no bounds when you go there in February. I bet you will want to just burst! Thank God for men like Casey. Thank God for praying parents like you and Mitch! So glad to hear from you! Happy New Year to all of you!

[momawake]

I'm so glad you shared that. God sure has a way of getting us to trust Him.

[Laurie]

Reading your post was deja vu. My nephew Matt is in the marines, and trained on Parris Island. My sister received her first phone call in the middle of the night, and was in tears because she didn't understand most of what was being yelled in the phone, and they are instructed this is all they can say and must hang up immediately after saying it.
We went to see Matt graduate, and didn't even recognize him! Really! Flabby little Matt was this in shape, thin muscley boy. During the ceremony, we couldn't tell which one he was from the bleachers, and when he came over to us, we couldn't believe it was the same kid. If you have a chance to see him graduate, do. It's quite the experience. He showed us around the island, the foot prints he had to stand on when he got off the bus, the barricks, and all the historical buildings. You will also have the option of trying for the hotel on Parris Island itself. But only 100 people can get a room there, and can't reserve til after a certain date and time. You have to call quick. We ended up at a nice hotel off the island, and were told by a few that the accomodations on the island were less than comfortable, one even had cockroaches in their room.
Your son will have so many stories, experiences to share. You'll see him through all new eyes. The transformations are amazing.
Matt just came home from Iraq, he has one more year of duty.
If you need any one to talk to, or any questions, I am here for you.
Blessings,
Laurie

[Laurie]

My e-mail if you would like to talk,
[email protected]

[Ricki]

(((hugs))) I just can't imagine.

Your post is filled with such emotion it brought tears to my eyes and put a lump in my throat.

Your son sounds like an amazing young man.

[Junie]

May God bless your son as he becomes a man and a US Marine.

[rohanknitter]

I'm so glad to hear that you can see some positives now out of this!! What a wonderful blessing. I know more than one young man (including my own dad) who really came into his own after being in the military. (not that I wouldn't be plenty nervous if my own boys ever enlist)

[MaryAnn]

You echo my heart. My youngest son is in the Navy. He never asked us or told us about signing up. I felt the same way in Boot Camp. There were days I could hardly bear for thinking of what my child was going through. Six years ago, my heart was in Illinois, not South Ga. And as you said, the Navy gave back my son, even though we haven't heard from him since early November. He can't tell us where he is or what he is doing. We send emails everyday praying they are getting them. It has also drawn the whole family closer to God..HE is with him and loves him more than I ever could. I am so thankful God can be with him and love him more than I can and take care of him much better than I ever could. Bless you as you make your way to the Island, you won't regret it. I still get chills thinking of boot camp graduation. It is a day I will never forget. I am so proud of my son, as well for where he is now. I miss him greatly, but it is safer if God's Will than out of it. He will be 26 shortly. Bless the families that stay behind.

[domesticali]

You made me cry. Manhood is a curious thing isn't it? Saying a little prayer to keep him safe.

[Marie]

{{{HUGS}}} to you. I remember clearly reading your posts about Casey deciding on this course (it was around the time I started reading your blog). It's made me a little goose-bumpy to be reading your post today that you've come to be thankful for his decision. The world has a strange was of working out in ways you never expected.

Happy New Year to you and all your family.

xMx

[kelly]

My son joined the army 2 years ago. The experience is very similar. I remember that call from boot. All the screaming (my son, the other guys, and the drill sgts in the background!) going on. We laugh about it now. He's already been to Iraq and will return sometime in the next few months. We are very proud of the fine young man he has become. You will be pleasantly surprised by the fine, polite young man who will greet you at graduation. Our military really gets a bum rap. Thank God for these fine young kids who are willing to serve our country. Your son is in my prayers.
Kelly

[Libby]

OHH!! I'm still praying for yall! All day sunday I've been crying because our boy went back to Y.C.A! Reading your words have made me stronger! We are still hoping to see some changes in our boy...we can see his physical changes but are hoping he will be more respectful. I havent "liked" my boy in awhile! I'm praying that we all get through this! I'm rooting for Casey! and I know that you are soo proud! Love, Libby

[Dawn]

I understand.

Two of my sons are serving. Each went for different reasons. It has been good for them.

When the first one sent home his video of boot camp, his haircut(or I should say-shaving!) from start to finish was included! All his curls that only I had cut for him since childhood were gone in a matter of minutes.
That was a hard one for me. I know...it's silly...but I cried to see that happen.

I remember that first phone call home. There was yelling in the background and I could barely understand what he said. This military stuff was all so new to us then.
By the time his twin unexpectedly decided to enlist some months later, we knew what to expect and the process was a little easier.

When I look back on those days when each of them left, it seems like sooo long ago. They were boys when they left us...and when they returned to us...they were men. I do not see them often..and that is sometimes difficult for this ol' mom. I have to continue to remind myself that I raised them to fly out of the nest...and they are doing just fine.

One of them is deploying once again.
I am trusting God to bring him home safely. This time he is leaving his bride behind.

I am happy for you...seeing this positive change in your dear son.

Blessings on you and yours, Autum.
xox

[Sarah]

((((Autum)))) I see that others before me, with much more experience in such matters, have left you such thoughtful messages. And while I have no such experience, I am certainly in the midst of my own parenting by fire this year, and have learned that mothering is an absolute leap of faith.

The hardest one ever in fact.

Thinking of you all.

[Cheryl]

Autum,
Sending BIG HUGS to you!!!
Reading your post brought tears to my eyes and gave me goosebumps as well. My dh was in the Marines many years ago when we first started dating. He in fact went to Parris Island as well. It is a learning experience for sure, but Casey will be a better man for it.
I am so glad that you both have been on this journey and are closer because of it. It's an absolute bonus that he is attending church. : ) God is so faithful and always in His time he answers our prayers.
I will continue to pray for you both.
XO,
Cheryl

[michele]

I happen to live in Beaufort, the town that Parris Island (PI) is in. My dad was a Marine and I'm on PI occasionally. I probably know some of the people that your son interacts with at the church on PI as several of our church members go and help out there. Isn't it amazing what God will do for our kids when we step back and give Him full control?!

Most of Beaufort has some connection to the Marine Corps; we're very proud of the Corps here and the men and women who comprise it. Your son happens to be here at probably the best time of year as it's hot in the summer and in the spring and fall the bugs are terrible.

Please feel free to contact me about the area when you plan your trip for his graduation.

[teresa]

Autumn,
My nephew graduated from Parris Island last year and the change in him has been truly amazing! He went in as a mixed up kid with few options for the future and came out a man with a bright future. We were used to the one answer "idono" anytime we asked him anything. We were shocked to hear him speak in full sentences and enter into family conversations after graduation! His accomplishment of making it through boot camp is amazing and we are so proud of him. I can't wait to hear more about Casey's accomplishments. This is just the beginning. And how wonderful it is that he is leaning on the Lord for everything. I am adding him to my prayer list for the duration of boot camp.

[Ann]

Thanks for sharing, so beautifully written. When a son enlist, the Mom does too! You are both in basic training. The Marines...the best of the best. Thank you for your sacrifice and his willingness to serve our country.

[Marie]

Oh, I wept tears of joy for you as I read this recalling the time I served and my time in boot camp. I was a very rebellious teenager and knew the right and wrong thing to do, but just chose the other path. Every thing my parents said and did annoyed me even though they were just trying to talk to me at times. I did find joining the Marines as a way out to get away from my parents, but I also needed something for myself. I was very smart but also not academically motivated. Just to give you an idea, I am now 28 years old, joined when I was 18 and am a 5 foot tall petite little Asian girl. You can imagine the horror on my family's faces when I joined and how terrified they were. I barely made the height requirement! BUT, the Marine Corps changed my life. I would have stayed in and made it a career had I not gotten married and had my first child while in. I still to this day keep in touch with all the people I worked with and the friends that I made while in. It was the absolute best time of my life. God used it for good and had a purpose for me there. When you see Casey on the parade deck, it will be a moment you will never forget. He will be dying with excitement to finally be given his last order as a recruit to be dismissed. I am excited for you and your family to see him once again very soon as a new man, as a Marine!!!!

[Holly]

My only experience is not as a mom but girlfriend. My husband now went into the Marine Corp when I was a junior in high school. He was in Desert Storm. My 16 year old son has recently announced that he wants to go into the Marine Corp- special forces like his dad. Your son will forever be different. The Marine Corp will give him a great sense of respect in himself and a direction. Sounds like he has struggled the past years so all this pain will be worth it!

[lera]

Being married to a soldier, I can only imagine how hard it must be to be the mother of one.

How anyone ever survives bootcamp is beyond me. When I hear stories from my husband, I just shake my head and call myself a wimp.

Well done, Casey! You're making your mama proud.

[Marty]

My two oldest boys went into the Navy. Boot camp was tough, and I went through exactly what you are describing. On the other side two wonderful men came out. Both boys, who served in Desert Storm, and have been out of the Navy for many years, say the experience made them better people. Neither one was made to be career military, but between the travel, training, and the GI bill it was something they don't regret.

They probably will never know what Mom and Dad went through at home, but even in the hard times we were so proud!

[Cindy Mosqueda]

What an amazing son you have....imagine the courage it took for him to step out of the known into a solution for his issues. His faith is inspirational.
As is yours. Not only has your son grown, you too have reached a new level of growth as a parent. Wonderful gifts come to us in the most unexpected ways....

[Jenny]

Add me to the list of people who cried. I cried just reading your words. Not even knowing you or your son....I can't IMAGINE how much you have felt .....knowing that you were able to put THESE thoughts into words, having to funnel down 23432987 feelings and choose THESE words to express them. Congratulations to Casey for being right. And to your family for creating the strong man that you didn't even know was capable. My only son is 13 and I simply can not imagine having to hear and feel the things you did ....You had your own kind of boot camp. Being in the dark for as long as you were and then hearing that he was sick and having to wait days or weeks to hear anymore.....torture.

Thank him for all of us out here.

Definitely make sure he sees some of these letters.....

[becky]

I am in tears right now. I read every word of your post. Thank you!

My son, age 18, a senior in HS, just told his dad and me that he is considering the Marines. Just a few days ago is the first we have heard. And although I have not tried to talk him out of it, I have asked God to do so.

I am so scared and so nervous for this decision. And yet, your post could not have been more timely. Our God is so able to do so much more than we could ever ask or imagine. The plans He has for my son (and yours) are beyond our understanding.

I am going to go on faith. Trust God to help our son to make the right choice, and to protect him no matter what that choice is.

Thank you for writing this. It has really helped me. God bless you and God bless your precious boy who is serving our country.