Grateful for growth

I began my gratitude Friday post on Friday, really I did, but it wasn't shaping up to be what I wanted, so I ditched it in favor of pizza and a movie with the family. I made it through the pizza and about 30 minutes of the movie before my eyes became too heavy to keep open one more minute. Hopefully after a good night's sleep, and a slice of pizza for breakfast, my Gratitude Friday (Saturday edition) will be coherent at least.

Above is my early Mother's Day present. What is it, you ask? Four inch blocks under my cutting table. Are they made of some special material? Did you have to order them?  Nope and nope. They are just some scrap wood Mitch had lying around he cut into blocks and spray painted black to raise my table up to a better cutting height.

When asked what I wanted for Mother's day, that's what I asked for. Not specifically 4 inch blocks spray painted black. No, I just said my table was too low and I would like a solution so that my back doesn't hurt after a day of cutting. I'm sure you're beginning to wonder where this is going, why this is post worthy. I'm getting there.

20 years. That's how long Mitch and I have been married now. For that I am exceedingly grateful, but today what I am grateful for is more specific. I'm grateful that over the past 20 years I've grown, evolved, changed and gained some hard earned nuggets of wisdom along the way. I've learned about myself and my husband and how we think differently and show our love differently and that evolution, that  willingness to change (although at times reluctantly) has made for a pretty good life.

Lets rewind back to the late 80, early 90's shall we. Picture a young wife and mother (yes, with big hair) and Mother's Day (or any other holiday, really). The holiday is approaching and though I haven't been specific about what I would like for Mother's Day I have expectations that it will be wonderful. Not necessarily expensive, but wonderful. It will be just what I want or need. I don't know exactly what I want or need mind you, but in my naive little young bride mind, I believe that my handsome prince should know these things. If he loves me with all his heart he will surely make it his life's mission to make me happy by surprising me with exactly what I want. That's the way it happens in the movies, right? The happy couple are at a candle lit table and he pulls out the beautifully wrapped box and she bursts into tears because he has gone to so much trouble to find the perfect gift. I probably don't have to tell you that scene didn't play out at my house and the young bride was inevitably disappointed. She felt like the effort that he put into finding the perfect gift should be equivalent to his love for her. Over the years she accepted that there would be no mind blowing surprise, even so she still felt like it was a lack of effort or desire on his part. Then over time something happened. There was a change in her thinking and her perspective. She began to see that her groom may not give gifts like they do in the movies but he gives more important gifts every day. He takes care of her and their home and family. He doesn't buy his own clothes, why did she think he would be able to buy the perfect little dress for her? It wasn't because he didn't want her to have the perfect gift, he's just not a shopper. When that perspective changed and she began to see the true gifts were given to her everyday, holidays began to be much happier. She was much better at knowing exactly what she wanted so why not just tell him.

Sometimes unrealistic expectations and blurred perspective get in the way of seeing the true gifts. The best gifts can't be wrapped in a box and the real surprise is in recognizing the presents that don't need a holiday to be given.

My real Mother's Day gift is my family and the finest store in town doesn't have an item that could ever be more valuable to me than my best friend and husband and our children.

This year I don't want jewelry or clothes that I don't need and will never wear.*  I know that love is not shown by going to the mall. Love is shown by putting blocks under my cutting table so I can be more comfortable doing what I love to do.

**

*The best gifts don't come from the mall, but, Alyssa knows me well enough to find some pretty neat little surprises and she's become her dad's personal shopper.

**If you're observant you noticed the bassinet still hanging around the sewing room. I know I said I only had some tweaking to do and I'd be finished. That wasn't false, but it wasn't entirely true either. The part that needed tweaking was tweaked and worked out fine. I then encountered trouble where I didn't expect it. See the hood? The hood cover that was given to me as a guide looked easy enough to duplicate, but on closer examination, I had no desire to duplicate it. There's no nice way of putting it, it's just plain ugly. It looks like a poorly made, ill fitting bonnet. What I envision is a snug fitting cover for the hood. Tailored not loose and floppy. Something like this. The only problem is I have no idea how to get there. If anyone has done this successfully, I'd love to hear your suggestions.

Comments

[kathryn]

Thanks for putting the day and "gifts and surprises" into a better perspective for me. He truly doesn't pick out and buy his own clothes here either. Thanks and have a wonderful day with your family.

[lindiepindie]

Amen, Autum! I still remember the best present Matt got me when we were newly married - an extension cord from the dollar store - so that I wouldn't have to come home after class and walk through a dark room to turn on a light. So practical, so sweet, and so loving.

The blocks are great. The fact that he went the extra little bit to paint them is very sweet.

[Pam]

I can relate to this post completely. Thanks for putting it into words. Happy Mother's Day. Enjoy your tall table.

[Judy in Carefree]

I have been married almost 41 years and have both children and grandchildren. However, I have never received a gift from my husband on Mother's Day. Since my children married, my son-in-law and daughter have either taken us to brunch or my son-in-law has made brunch. This will be the first year that they have had a vacation home and will be there for Mother's Day...my other daughter and family live 1700 miles away...so I will be at home with my husband. He did offer to take me out, but after some moping, I decided to just spend the day crafting which is MY thing. Happy Mother's Day and enjoy your TALL table!

[Shanna]

thanks for that perspective...i complained last christmas that the hubby had never gotten me a christmas gift but i always went through the trouble of making something or scrounging up the money to buy him something when we had no money. now my complaints seem selfish and petty. like you said, the family is the gift.

is the bassinet cover something that's to be removed? i was thinking that if it wasn't you could sew a ruffle/trim onto the fabric and then use a fabric glue to adhere the fabric to the hood...maybe adding a thin layer of batting under the fabric.

[LLA]

Beautifully put! I'd take some sweetly thought-of wooden blocks over some overpriced geegaw that I don't want/need any day!

Happy Mother's Day, Girlfriend!

[Randi]

This is a very sweet post, Autum! The love for your family is apparent all the way through!

My hubby made me a ribbon holder when I mentioned that one would be so convenient, but expensive. I love that he thinks of ways to make me happy. He is a very sweet guy!

[Anina]

What lovely sentiments! My best Mother's Day gift is a day where I don't have to worry about what's for lunch, what's for dinner, what time is the soccer game, or any other earthly thing.

Happy Mother's Day!

[Victoria]

"The best gifts can't be wrapped in a box and the real surprise is in recognizing the presents that don't need a holiday to be given."

That is so profound !! Thanks for writing in such an eloquent way.

[Amanda]

I agree, Autum. I love it when I casually mention something (without realizing it) and my husband hears me.

I was reading a book about home keeping, and the author went into the subject of gift giving. She asked her husband what gift she has given him that just blows his mind. He said "Well, I love the way you make tacos."

My husband flies over 10000 miles a month. He gets treated really well at the Delta hotel in Calgary. At some hotels they have robes you can wear, and if you want to buy one, you can. So about a month ago he decided to buy me one for Mother's Day, without me knowing. The lady at the desk suggested he have my name monogrammed. He said that would be great, but he didn't have time to wait because he had to fly out. She said he could pick it up the next time he came in. Well, he went to pick it up a couple of weeks later and they told him since he stays there all the time, they would give it to him for free. It's about $80-$90. He was telling me the story and my 13 year old daughter kept telling him that she couldn't believe he was telling me he got my Mother's Day gift for free!

Happy Mother's Day!

[Beverly]

Thanks for that perspective/reminder. I was sorely disappointed by having my fiance forget to do anything (or simply not know what to do?) for my birthday, but remembering all that he does to make our home better suited to my wants/needs takes away that sting.

[Thimbleanna]

What a sweet post Autum! As usual, you are the master with words.

As for the basinette top -- Do you have any spare muslin? You could try laying it on top of the hood and then pinning darts in it, to force the fabric to conform to the shape of the cover. Then you could use that muslin as a pattern. Or, if you're brave, skip the muslin step -- drape the fabric over the hood and pin darts in it. It's hard to explain via words -- wish I were there to show you!

[Beth]

I know what you mean. Recently, my husband put my favorite song on our computer as the shut-down and start-up music (as a surprise). That was really special to me!

Happy Mother's Day!

[Jessica]

Once for Valentine's Day, I received from DH (who was then Dear Boyfriend) a Crocodile Hunter DVD. If only that was a joke. Over the years, we've both evolved in gift giving/receiving. I no longer expect the perfect little giftie that will *change my life*, and DH has learned that just b/c my birthday present is chosen from a list doesn't mean it's not special to me. Now if only I knew what the heck to get him for his 30th b-day... Great post, btw. It's really the little things that make life together special...

[Kathie Hill]

Autum you are so right!

For the last nine years I have had fibromyalgia and many things have changed in our household. DH does so much of the work I used to do and shuttles me around town (even to the fabric store where he patiently holds bolts of fabric for me). He doesn't have to do any of this.

I have read many a sad story of husbands leaving their sick wives or just ignoring them while still demanding a clean shirt. These women live in constant pain agrivated by doing work their poor bodies no longer can do.

DH - HE is my gift and I hope on Mother's day and Father's day to make him realize just how special of a man he really and truly is!

I can't believe how much I complained when we were first together (24 years ago) about his not caring enough to put more thought into my gifts.

Age may be hard on the body (wrinkles etc.) but it sure brings a lot of perspective to your life. I'm sure I'm not the only wife to say "I wish I knew then what I know now"; it would have saved us from a lot of discord.

Happy Mother's Day, Kathie

[Kristy]

Such a sweet post as ever Autum. You are so right the best gifts are those that are 'thought' led and not 'thing' led.I am lucky that my hubby is the best present buyer ever but sometimes the unexpected mundane gift is 10 times better than anything else.

[Kristie]

What a sincere and nicely written post! Happy Mother's Day Autum:-) I'm not sure if this is any help but Vogue has a pattern for bassinets. It has a cover pattern that looks similar to the one you like. Vogue patterns were 75% off at Hancocks and I noticed it when perusing. It's number 7864. Maybe that will be of some help???

[Valéria Santana]

Hi, I'm Brazilian, I don't speak english, but i'm learning.. I love this site, and I love a lot croche.

[gillian]

Great post. Love your blocks and the simple pleasure they have brought.

[Rhonda]

Have you ever read that book that talks about the different love languages? It's a real eye opener. Gary Chapman wrote it...it's really good. It sounds like you have it all figured out at this point, but you may find it enlightening anyway =]

[Bettsi]

Expectations are a terrible thing, I agree. Thanks for a beautifully written post.

[Rachael]

Autumn, you put it wonderfully. You have a way with words. Hubby has given me many awesome gifts, some of the best have been the simplest. Two years ago he gave me a card full of coupons....run me a bath and warm my towel and robe in the dryer. Make me a cup of hot chocolate. Watch a chick flick with me. and many more.

[jessica]

a wonderful, touching story. lovely.

[Terri Pollhein]

I do like people who love and appreciate their spouses! To me that's the best kind of romance...
Happy Mother's Day a little late.
God bless.
Terri

[Sandy]

I'm with ya, sister! I totally love this post. For me, it was the foot/hand/neck/back massages that really counted:) And the home-made poems.
We are blessed!
Sandy