To blog or not to blog....

That seems to be the question. The question I've been asking myself at least. Blogging has changed my life. That sounds dramatic, but it's true. I'm sure I look at things differently, think about things I've never thought of before. My sewing has improved. I've made so many friends. Yes blogging has changed my life in so many good ways but has it also made changes that aren't good? Maybe. Quite possibly so. Have I been blind to things I should have seen because of time spent here? Is too much time spent here? Time that would be better spent doing laundry and sweeping or just being available. My house has seen cleaner days and though I get a great deal of enjoyment and satisfaction participating in this sharing of ideas and inspiration and, well... life, I feel a great deal of stress and unhappiness when my surroundings feel so out of order. I wish I didn't. I wish I could have a carefree feeling about dishes in the sink and a floor that needs sweeping, but it isn't in me. I panic at the thought of company. I want to feel comfortable opening my door and enjoying visitors if they come, but that isn't the case. I am tense the whole time anyone is here looking at the dust on the table or the laundry you can see piled up in the laundry room. Things that are likely unnoticed by the visitor seem like neon signs to me, pointing out all my inadequacies.

Is blogging an escape from that? My escape to a world I can keep clean and tidy for when visitors arrive. A welcoming place that is mine and a place I enjoy sharing. Hmmm... isn't it funny how sometimes you answer your own questions just by putting them out there. I've never thought of it in those terms, but surely that's the case. My blog is my clean (most of the time) place. My hangout spot where friends stop by to say hi. It feels nice to be here and keeping it warm and tidy and inviting doesn't require physical exertion that leaves me out of breath and exhausted like in real life. Its a world I can control for the most part. I am admittedly a bit of a control freak and live a life that many times seems so out of my control. My health, my kids, my house.... sigh....yes this blog is my little place, but that's just it, isn't it? It's my place and I am not an island. I have a family that perhaps needs more of my time than I realize, even though they seem so independent.

I've never been career driven. I became a nurse primarily out of financial need. Though I found satisfaction and enjoyment in nursing I always felt guilty for the time I was away from my family. Becoming a wife and mother young, it is who I am, all I know. I'm happy with being a "housewife" and don't feel like I've given up any of myself to live this life. Being a mother has been a badge I've worn proudly for 19 years. A job I've taken very seriously. I've made so many mistakes I'm sorry for but I've tried to be a good mom. I wanted so much to do it right. It nearly broke my heart to send my first bird from the nest last year. It caused me to question what now?  What will I do when they are both gone? Then I found blogs and a whole new world opened up to me. There was so much inspiration that fed my creativity. So much I wanted to try, so many new and beautiful things. So many old and beautiful things. Wonderfully talented people willing to share their knowledge, freely. After reading for a while I wanted to follow suit and just like any craft, I've wanted to improve. Improve the quality of photographs I take, improve my writing skills, improve the "look" of my blog, improve the material I posted on my blog. It has been such a wonderful challenge and has given me so much enjoyment but when I am faced with the fact that it may be taking away from what is really important in my life I have to rethink things. Change and rearrange things.

I don't think the answer is to stop all together, but can I just post on occasion? I know my personality well enough to know the same part of me that decorates and redecorates every corner of my house cannot stand a barely furnished blog. As soon as I finish a project I can't wait to take pictures and share and that takes time. Taking and editing pictures, writing and rewriting a post. Answering comments. That part of blogging is as important to me as anything, the interaction that comments provide. All these things take time and I am faced with asking myself the question, is it time I have to spare? I thought so, but now I'm not so sure. Some questions I have to give some thought to. I don't know what the answer will be, I won't be keeping up the posting every day in November. I guess that's apparent since I haven't posted all weekend, though I seem to making up for it now. So many words and no answers. I have some thinking to do...

Comments

[Kristy]

I understand so well Autum.I have beeing asking the very same questions.I am not ready to give it all up just yet but I too will be putting my blog in it's place.

[CrystalT]

Oh Autunm! I enjoy your blog so much and would hate if you stopped altogether. I think even an occasional post would be a treat. Like a pal popping out for a chat. I hope you find answers that you are looking for. I will be checking in from time to time and be rooting for you.

[beki]

I completely understand what you're saying. I often ask myself this same question when I go for a few days without posting or checking email. In some ways that feels really good. You do what feels right. Take a littel break and see how that feels. I don't see anything wrong with just posting on occasion.
Oh, and the house making you feel nervous, boy do I understand that! Having a messy house drives me up a wall.

[daisies]

i completely understand, i often feel much the same way and i think that november and nablopomo posting every day has put an extra strain ~ its too much though i will continue until december and then tumbleweeds may settle into my space for a little while. i much prefer unscheduled postings : ) as a hobby, when i have time ...

though i am grateful to the internet and blogging for far more reasons than i am not and that is wonderful : )

[Mijk]

I do hear you (oh do I hear you...) but completely selfishly hope you keep blogging! ;-)

[Mindy]

Oh this was NOT the news that I wanted to read today!!

On a more serious note, you have to remember that this is YOUR blog. You need to blog because you enjoy it and not because you have to. Sometimes I post daily and sometimes I post once a week. You run the blog and do not let it run you.

But I really hope that you at least continue to blog just a bit *sobs*

[minniepumpkin]

I enjoy your blog so much but I debate these same questions... however I look at this as my "mommy time" I have my sanity talking with you all...being creative...being inspired. So I actuallyhired a housekeeper. LMBO! :)

[Cathleen]

I have just recently found you and I have enjoyed your posts so much....you are a true inspiration. I have been checking everyday and I, actually, started to worry about whether you were doing okay. The only thing you can do is follow your heart and take care of YOU!!

[Angela]

Oh I so understand. I get it. I'm still asking similar questions. sigh.
I hope you figure out what works best for you sweets. ;)

[Toni]

You are not alone, I need to ask myself these same questions often and make adjustments. One thing that helped tremendously is when I stopped feeling like I needed to respond to every commnet. We as bloggers already give so much just to put up a post--I think most people understand that and enjoy visiting and leaving a comment here and there--even if we can't get back to them. Most days just keeping my blog open is walking a fine line. Not responding to every comment has given me more peace about continuing. (I don't even get all that many comments, but it was still a help to let it go. I do respond when I get time too)

Take care Autum, you are a sweet addition to the blogging world and more then anything you should feel good about how you spend your time. xo.

[Ann]

I would miss you a lot because you are a daily stop for me. However, I don't even blog and I know how much time I can spend at the computer. Our families are priority and children pass thru quickly. Have no regrets. I will enjoy you whenever you have time to update. You don't need that kind of pressure pulling on you everyday. Oh, and by the way, your picture with the trees you made is wonderful. It almost made a non-crafty girl think she might try that.

[Melissa R. Garrett]

Wow! I completely understand where you are coming from!! I even dropped out of nursing school because my family and home seemed to fall apart without my 100% attention.

I blog because on most days it's my only connection to the outside world. When so much of my time and energy is focused on the little ones, I need something just for me. And while I confess I may not have the creative talents of most crafty bloggers I read, there are a few loyal readers out there who I consider friends and who actually seem to care (and take the time to give a virtual pat on the back with their comments).

I've often felt like my blog runs my life but I agree with Mindy in that it's YOU who runs the blog. Do what feels right to you. And maybe we should all hire a housekeeper like minniepumpkin ('cause I definitely hear you on the whole messy house bit!).

[Jessica]

I know what you mean. I haven't been blogging long, but just getting my blog off the ground has taken up a lot of time! I enjoy your blog so much and you are an inspiration to me (and many others), but like others have already told you, take care of you and your family. You need to do what makes you happy! Take a break and enjoy the holidays and see how you feel after that. I am really stretched for time around the holidays and I am sure you are no different. Take care!

[Kelli]

Selfishly, I hope you keep at it too. I love the new look of your site, btw. And your great ideas! And your spirit...

[Ali]

Your post could have come from my own fingers. My computer broke a couple of weeks ago and I found not being able to blog hugely liberating. It really surprised me, because I love blogging. I'm thrilled by every little comment and so excited when I read a great post. But my house ran so mcuh more smoothly without it, I felt less irritable, less pulled in all directions.

I still haven't worked out the solution for myself, but I hope you come across one that works for you.

[Bettsi]

Wow, Autum, you really touched a nerve here with many of us, it appears! It is a tough issue and one that I struggle with also. But what's the alternative? To continue on in isolation? Will we be richer human beings, mothers, wives by cutting off contact with other creative women? For me, it comes down to finding that point of balance (which may be a mythical place, really!). I think it's that point where my creative endeavors are enriching my life and not robbing it. So, maybe, it's not about "all or nothing". Maybe it's blogging once a week to say hi and show what you've been up to. First and foremost, I think, it has to be something you do for YOU. Anyway, I know I'm rambling here. I'm thinking out loud, cause these are questions I ask myself as well. I do know that I would miss you if you left. (((hugs)))

[Dawn]

I am another who would miss you so very much if you decide to leave the blogworld...You must follow your heart on this one.
Love the blog header.

[linda]

Hi Autum, I haven't read all the comments above, but I'm sure they will say much of what I'm going to say. I hear you - I feel much of what you feel. Quite honestly, I've gone to posting 1x/week because for the sake of the kids (their education, mainly). I can't spend as much time blogging. I know these feelings are very real, but perhaps they've been brought to the surface because of the daily November posting thing? That would sure wear me out! I also can't spend as much time on my pictures and editing as I'd like and often put up what's just good enough, but I realized that it's not a competition. There will always be a ton of bloggers with better pictures and better projects who are better writers. I'm flattered that people even read what I have to write, and love the friendships I've made. But you are so right - real life has to take precedence. I sure hope you don't quit. I hope for your sake you find a balance that you are comfortable with. Pray for wisdom, sweetie. HE will provide.

And just to work on my over-perfectionism and to save time, I'm NOT going to proof-read the above comment. :o)

[kim in Camas]

I support you, even though I will miss your entries. I love your blog, and I will miss it, but I would rather you do what you need to do. Blog when you can, and I'll read it.

[capello]

you need to find the medium you are happy with, both in your "blogland" and in your home.

i hope you find your balance!

[Jessica Hood]

You have to do what feels right for you. But please know that you will be sorely missed if you quit posting altogether. I love seeing your wonderful projects completed...such beautiful work. And you were really the first blogger that I ever offered to do something nice for me & expected nothing in return - you sent me a keychain in the spring when I first discovered blogs. Such a small act really touched me.

[Kim]

Autum, please know that you would be missed very much if you stopped blogging completely. Blogging everyday would be more like a career than a hobby, and, I, for one, don't know how you did it, especially at this time of year - when our last nerve seems stretched. I will continue to peek in at your blog, just to see what beautiful work you are up to, I don't think you can go "cold turkey" (he-he).

[catrina]

Totally understand & agree with everything you said!

[pnardnmz]

blogging must be a joy.. not a responsability..
this must be the way you like..
at the beginning it is easy..but when you start to get interactive.. you start to spend more time on reading and writing than creating..under the gentle pressure..of the..I have to blog urge..
take it easy..
take it as you wish..
we will be there for you..
enjoy your creations.. and writing about what goes on..
have fun

[monica]

blog to live not live to blog. Does it make sense?

If it adds to your life do it. If it takes away. Stop.

We'll always be here when you need a friend.