creative little daisy

I have a sad, sad heart...

My sweet little Gracie girl died yesterday.  She had been a part of our family for ten years. This morning as I looked through photos to include in this post, it became even more apparent how present she was in every minute of our lives. Sets of photos of birthday parties, Christmas, photos of Bayleigh... you name it. Gracie may  not have been the subject of the picture, but if we were gathered, she was there. Part of our family.

Watching Casey open presents on his birthday with the rest of the family.

In the middle of the mess on Christmas Eve.

Making unexpected appearances in shots on her way to get near me.

She did love me. Unconditionally, wholeheartedly, she loved me. If I left for a while she watched out the window and cried and met me at the door, tail wagging as soon as I returned. She was the top dog for a long time. Till Toby and Lucky came along and she became on of three vying for attention. I say one of three and not four, because Angel has always preferred to be a little more to her self than the other dogs. She likes a pat on the head and an acknowledgment that she's a pretty girl, then she's fine to be off in her bed instead of in the middle of the action. Not Gracie, if there was action, she was there. She was kind and gentle with Bayleigh, but chose to watch her from afar when possible. She was so smart, we often swore she was more human than pup. She would pout if your hurt her feelings and look back to see if the pouting was working. She would make a big scene of eating her dog food while we were eating dinner (only after giving up on getting any table scraps) she would get a piece of food and make sure we could see her eating, as though to say see what I have to eat, while you sit there eating real food.

She wasn't a prissy little yorkie. If I took her to get a fancy hair-do, she'd have the bow out before we got home and once home she'd promptly roll in the grass till her hair was no longer smooth and silky and was full of bits of grass.




She was such a sweet, smart little girl. I know time will ease the pain, but this morning, my heart is broken and I'm missing my tiny girl with the huge heart.

Goodbye my sweet girl. Thank you loving us and letting us love you  for those ten short years!
You are so missed!

Dear Lady-who-used-to-blog-here,

Where are you? I miss you.  You've been gone so long. You took with you all the fun stuff we used to do like sewing and those crazy pictures you used to take.  Remember those pictures? Any and everything, you name it, you photographed it. Nothing was safe from you and  that camera. Your pictures weren't bad either. Oh, they weren't  great, but they were OK, and they really  improved as time went on. Back when you used to blog here that is.  You used to find stuff to talk about, even when there really wasn't anything to talk about, you talked anyway. I liked that. I liked it when you talked about stuff that probably wasn't all that interesting. At least you were talking. And taking pictures. And making things that you could talk about and take pictures of. I miss you. I miss the eyes you viewed the world with, eyes full of excitement for the beauty that is all around, beauty in the everyday. You used to talk with other ladies who blogged. You liked those ladies and learned so much from them.  Don't you miss that? Are you still out there somewhere?

Maybe you just got lost in the shuffle of life. Too many things to do to stop and take pictures. Maybe you thought people were tired of what you had to say and maybe instead of  talking about anything, like you always had, you felt like you should talk about something important. Something that mattered. Something that made sense. Instead of blabbering on about the randomness of your day, perhaps you have been waiting to say something "worthy" of being said. Or it could be that you have just gotten lazy. Talking about nothing in general and taking photos of any old thing takes time and energy. Maybe you have just decided to be a big ole couch potato. Maybe you don't want to try new things and improve on what you already know...

Maybe you were abducted by aliens... You ran away with the circus, or Brad Pitt. Hey, it could happen.  Whatever has kept you away, can you please come back? I really miss you.

Love your quiet and unispired friend,
A

Letters from our Recruit

Each day I check the mailbox in eager anticipation, hoping for a letter.  He's been gone four weeks now, four weeks and two days to be exact, and has 58 days to go. Each day I write to him, at least once, so he'll know we miss him, that we love him, and that we have faith that he can do this.

A few random things...

Since it's been a couple of weeks since I was last here, it's not easy to focus on one topic. So you get a bit of this and that. Hope that's OK with you.

First and foremost, thank you cannot begin to express my appreciation for your love and support, understanding and wisdom.  You comments provided much comfort to our family during this time of sadness. If I could give each of you a great big hug, I would.

Casey, now known as Recruit Hall has been at boot camp for two weeks.  We got a form letter with the address to write him, but that's it, no real words from him yet.  Two weeks is a long time for a mama not to know how her boy is doing.

Bayleigh is our little ray of sunshine on even the cloudiest of days. She's full to the top and running over with joy and her happiness is contagious. Just a few of the things she's loving these days:

Walking into the laundry room to watch the clothes dry.
 

Can you imagine how many times a day I kiss that little face?
She's also loving,



teething cookies

her Ruby doll (thank you Diane!!)

and the Christmas tree.

She does not love

 
getting dressed. Every day. Every. Single. Day. It's tears and thrashing about, trying to roll away and escape. The girl doesn't want to wear clothes!

I've done a little sewing I'd like to share,  but that will have to wait till tomorrow, it's past my bedtime. Night, night my sweet friends!

blue

"There's no way around grief and loss: you can dodge all you want, but sooner or later you just have to go into it, through it, and hopefully come out the other side. The world you find there will never be the same as the world you left."
                               Johnny Cash

On Friday we learned that Olivia's heart was no longer beating. We had to wait nearly 36 hours for a hospital bed to become available for Alyssa to deliver her.  Early Sunday morning Olivia's body came into this world, her spirit already with the Lord.

On Sunday afternoon, Casey left for boot camp.  

  

My heart overflows...

With gratitude. The support and kindness shown by you, friends, has been amazing. Dark clouds can creep into our lives so suddenly and unexpectedly and turn everything upside down. That's certainly what happened last week. I didn't mention that it was Alyssa's birthday, the day her world changed. We sang happy birthday and went through the motions, but no one was happy that day. I've never prayed as earnestly, as desperately, as frequently as I have this past week. I've prayed because this nanna so very much wants to meet her second granddaughter,  I've prayed because I can't bare to watch my daughter go through so much pain and I've prayed because I know miracles do happen.

Alyssa had an ultrasound on Friday, she'll go weekly to monitor Olivia's condition. This week looked relatively unchanged from last week and to us, that's good news, because she hasn't worsened. She's growing and moving about and we continue to pray for her healing and appreciate each and every prayer whispered in her name.

Please pray for Olivia

Some have noticed and commented on the little ticker over in the sidebar. Bayleigh is going to be a sister. Alyssa and Derek are expecting. They found out this week the baby is a girl, Olivia Claire. Alyssa's AFP results were off, so she was sent to a perinatologist. We were all frightened, but felt reassured that much of the time, this means nothing. There is a high number of false positives associated with this test. The results of the ultrasound were devastating. Baby Olivia has something called a cystic hygroma. It is an accumulation of fluid on the back of her neck. She also has very significant heart failure. The prognosis is not good. They were told she had a 95% chance of not making it to be born. Alyssa is going through the worst pain imaginable. She's grieving and fearful for what lies ahead. We all are.
Internet research led me to this site. Reading the stories of baby Rosie and Hope and Holly and Lucy and baby Tiernan, stories that sounded identical to Olivia's, it gave me hope. The odds they doctor gave Olivia are not good, but 95% chance, means there's a 5% chance she will make it.  I believe in miracles and I'm asking you to please pray for one. Please pray for Olivia and for Alyssa and Derek. Pray that the Lord will heal her little heart and pray that He will give us the strength to face whatever it is that lies ahead.

Ouch! No wait, make that double ouch!!

You know that old saying, it's not what you say, it's how you say it? That's what came to mind this morning as I read a new comment left on an old post. It was the first tutorial I'd ever written, the basic purse tutorial. When writing tutorials, my intention has always been to share my method of doing something with the hope that it will help someone else who could use a little visual aid, perhaps a helpful hint here and there. I've never  proclaimed to be an expert when it comes to sewing or any other from of crafting for that matter. I'm just a regular person, who happens to enjoy making things. It's a continual learning process for me and I get a great deal of satisfaction out of the sharing aspect of this blog community. I've learned so, so much from other bloggers, and writing tutorials is simply my way of being a contributing member of this wonderful society. I've never tried to profit in any way from the tutorials on my blog or have I tried to imply that the way I do something is the way. In fact, I think I always emphasize that what I'm showing is just what works for me and may or may not work for the next person. I welcome suggestions and input. That's what it's all about, that's how we learn and grow. This comment felt very negative to me (my first), even though she ended with "no offense."

I have a purse that I bought at a craft fair with a magnetic snap installed just like yours, and my purse ripped around the snap after barely a month of use. I just talked to someone who told me how to install a magnetic snap correctly. Sorry, ladies, her method of installing snaps is not for purses you would use on a daily basis or sell for profit! No offense.

Sorry, call me thin-skinned, but I did take a little offense. I wouldn't have minded at all if her comment had gone something like.... I've recently learned that in order to assure the fabric doesn't tear from around the clasp, it's better if you install the snap this way.... That way we can all learn from her great expertise and it doesn't sound offensive at all.
While I'm still feeling a little bruised by the comment, Toby and Lucky begin arguing a bit over who should be closest to me. It started with a little low growling from each but quickly escalated, as neither felt much like backing down this morning. I swiveled around slightly in my chair to tell them to knock it off, getting my leg between the feisty boys and the smallest of the two bit the hell out of the back of my leg. Pardon my language, I assure you, it's milder than what I said at the time. It hurt like heck. I've never really been bitten by a dog. The occasional little snap while playing, sure. But a real chomp down on my bony little leg bite? No.  It seemed the day was shaping up to be a day of not so pleasant firsts. Double ouch!

Here you can see the horrific wound and the vicious creature who savagely attacked me.

I'm pleased to say, that was no indication of how the rest of the day would shape up. It's after three and the afternoon has been completely ouchless.

It's all good...

I sit here on this quiet Saturday morning overcome with just how good it all is. My intent was to type out a quick line or two to let everyone know that Bayleigh is home and doing well. How hard is that? As I gathered my thoughts and arranged the words in my mind it wasn't long before I realized this wasn't going to be a quick one line post. Boy, I've really got to do something crafty so I can stop with the gushy emotional posts already. It has been an emotional week, a roller coaster ride of ups and downs. What is this grandparent deal? Why is it you feel everything you felt for your own children, only magnified? I can't say that I love her more than Alyssa or Casey, but I love her differently. I love her louder and brighter and just thinking about it makes my heart swell and sends waves through my chest and up to my throat and brings tears to my eyes. It was terrifying to put that thermometer under her arm and see the numbers rise so quickly. It was heart wrenching to hear the fear in Alyssa's voice when she called to tell me how worried the doctor seemed. I felt so helpless when Derek called because he had to leave the room as the nurses stuck and stuck and stuck his precious little girl, trying to get enough blood for the tests. Her temperature normalized with one dose of tylenol and was normal for the rest of her hospital stay. By Monday morning she was happy and smiling and wondering what all the fuss was about.

What was causing the big, bad fever? A urinary tract infection. Not a common finding for a such a little one, so she's going to have more testing (outpatient)  to rule out something called  VU Reflux.

I wonder now if Alyssa understands why we tried so hard to shelter and protect her, if she realizes it was out of love that we said no, or seemed too strict. This week she felt a fear greater than any fear she could have ever experienced and Derek who has been to war in Iraq and Afghanistan. I dare say, this experience was just as scary. I'm very proud of these young parents and how they weathered this first storm of parenthood.

Now as I sit here on this quiet Saturday morning, reflecting on the week's events, a busy week of ups and downs, it feels so good to take a deep breath and relax in knowing, for this moment, it's all good.

There was another exciting event this week, but that deserves a post all its own.

And just like that, everything changed...

Of course, I knew things would be different. We'd be changing our routines, making room for the newest member of our family. I knew there would be joy and excitement. I knew I'd be proud. I knew I'd love the new little one, and yet, I didn't have a clue.  I have so much to say, so much to share. I wish you could sit at my kitchen table with a glass of iced tea and chat while I throw a load of clothes in the washer, catch up on the week's events while I do the dishes. I've been spending some of the weekend trying to do a little of the work that has fallen by the wayside while I've been attending to much more important matters, like staring at this beauty.

I'm learning a new role, the role of nana, and what a precious, wonderful gift is this new role. It's all together different from being a mom and yet I'm not sure I can put into words just how. All you other grandmothers know, it's just different. The love is pure and sweet and unencumbered by the worries and fears that come with parenting. Not only do I love this baby more than I thought possible, I have a whole new level of love and understanding for her mother. 

Priceless, that's the only way to describe the experience of watching my own daughter become a mother. Mitch and I were amazed by the strength and courage with which she brought this little one into the world and were so grateful to have shared in this precious moment in time. We were proud of how gentle and loving Derek was with her, even as he was scared to death.

I know the road ahead of them will not be an easy one. They have many sleepless nights ahead, but they will be just fine. I guess the gift of grandparent-hood is being on the other side of those sleepless nights and being able to just love.

Thank you,  thank you, many times thank you for all the sweet welcoming words for Bayleigh. Alyssa and I have read each and every one. I usually try to answer each comment personally because they do mean so much to me, but this time, please understand if I just say thank you to you all. I'm very busy these days, you know, with staring and such.

More pictures of the cutie here.