Have you heard of the one word concept to New Year's resolutions? It isn't new, but I hadn't read about it until last night, then again this morning, in this very compelling post. I, not being a resolution maker am intrigued by the one word notion. Since starting this blog, I think I have made some lists, things I hoped to do in the coming year, and have even managed to accomplish some, but for the most part they have been all but forgotten by February.
Open. I think that's going to be my word. I've done my share of introspective naval gazing over the past few weeks. Holiday induced, no doubt. Circumstances surrounding the holidays gave way for lots inner struggles. Wrestling with my own psyche over what is right and wrong and what I should and shouldn't be feeling. I had many times when I wanted to be mopey and blue, only to give myself the old snap out of it! slap in the face (think Cher in Moonstruck). Although, my southern version of snap out of it sounds nothing like Cher and is much less effective.
Alyssa and Bayleigh were out of town Christmas, spending it with Derek's family in another state and Mitch had to go to work Christmas morning. I was pretty sad and had to work really hard not to feel sorry for myself. How could I feel sorry for myself? Casey was home. Last Christmas he was in Boot Camp and we only got to speak to him for a few short minutes. This year he was home. So many many families spent the holidays worrying about a loved one deployed overseas. My son was home. With such a blessing, who in the world did I think I was to feel one bit sad? See what I mean about inner conflict? That only begins to scratch the surface. With all the quiet time the holidays brought, I did lots and lots of soul searching. I did a lot of thinking about what role I play in the lives of those I love and how I can positively impact those around me. I've been feeling a tug, a slight pull inward. A retreat from what I don't want to face and what is uncomfortable. I've become increasingly aware of my natural gravitation away from anything that doesn't feel good. Not so much that it's a revelation, I've known this about myself, rather an awareness that my head seems to get deeper and deeper in the sand with every passing year. I have become more of an island, distancing myself from relationships that may expose me to sadness, heartache, or really any sort of dysfunction. To say I shy away from that which I can't fix or have no control is a gross understatement.
Gosh, I can feel this getting very long and I didn't intend for that to happen. I'll just say, for many reasons I feel drawn to the word OPEN. And I hope it will open up a new world for me a world in which I can be more~
Open in my communicationsOpen in my understanding
Open with my feelings
Open in my acceptance
Open with my love
Are you making resolutions? Choosing a word? What do you hope the year will hold for you?
Tomorrow this little blog will turn four. I can hardly believe I've been doing this for four years. I can honestly say, blogging has been a life changing experience and I hope I can continue for many more years to come.