Comments from strangers who can't be responded to shouldn't bother me, but...

they do.  It's only happened a couple of times, the folks who take the time to comment here are always kind and thoughtful. Really, I feel like we are all friends, and sometimes even friends who mean well can be hurtful when they don't think before they speak. I'm hoping that was the case with the comment that is bothering me, even though I keep telling myself not to worry about it.  I deleted it right away. Right after I tried to respond by email, but my email came back undeliverable. I deleted it because I felt it would be hurtful to Alyssa. My first reaction was to respond politely to the commenter, delete the comment and forget about it.  Then my email came back, leaving my polite response unheard, or unread in this case.

The comment was on my last post, the one about Bayleigh's birthday party.

                            Does her mom do anything for her? Does she live with you?

I'm sure it's just the bluntness of the wording that caught me off guard and the fact that long before I was a doting nana, I was a doting mama, who loves her daughter very much. This is the response I tried to send- 

Bayleigh lives with her mom and dad. I care for her during the day, while her mom is in nursing school. Her mom does a wonderful job of caring for her, but she isn't the author of my blog. I write about things from my perspective.

I plan to delete your comment. I'm hoping you meant no harm by it, but I know the wording would be hurtful to Alyssa and she reads my blog regularly.

I fully realize that I don't owe any explanations to anyone about the content I choose to write about on my blog or the photos I choose to share, but just in case anyone else has wondered the same thing, I'd like to clear things up. Bayleigh lives with her mom and dad. We are a very close family and we live in close proximity so we spend a lot of time together.  I realize that I've had little to talk about on the blog other than Bayleigh since she was born, but this blog originated as a craft blog. A place to share a little of this and that, but mostly my creative ventures. Before Bayleigh was born, I had a lot of spare time that I spent sewing and spray painting and moving furniture about, now that she's around, my spare time is spent differently. Since I don't have as much sewing to write about, when I take the time to write a blog post, there's a pretty good chance she will somehow be involved. So that's what you see here, photos and snippets of my life that I choose to share. If it were Alyssa's blog, she may write about the struggles of caring for a child while attending nursing school full time. Only she could tell you what it's like for her to be a young wife and mom, to have tests and clinicals to study for, dinner to cook,  a house to clean. Hers is a story very much like many others, but it's hers and not mine to tell, so I share photos of my beautiful granddaughter and things she's done to brigten my day. 

Bayleigh with her daddy at her party
 

and with her mama.


 

Comments

[Wylie]

You have a beautiful family, Autum, and I'm sorry someone wrote something so insensitive. You share your life so sweetly with all of us, please don't be deterred by someone's blunt question.

[lisapeaceandlove]

There is no way one could read your blog on a regular basis and not know the story. I came looking for a zipper tute one day and come back over and over because of all the joy and love that you exude! It must have been an impulsive, uninformed moment for someone.

[Holly]

Thanks for standing up for your family in such a gracious yet forthright way. I think you handled this very well! I'm sure the commenter meant no harm; probably just didn't think about the way their question would sound. (And I'm going to guess that they are not a mama/grandma!) I've had some insensitive comments from a friend who sees only glimpses of my family's life, and I've always been tongue-tied. I know she means well, but her comments really stick with me. Your brave and gracious response to your commenter is encouraging to me!

[April]

God Bless you and YOUR daughter. Her for going to school and getting a nursing degree (my sis is an RN) and you for being there for your son in law, your daughter and your grand daughter. My mother and mother in law live far away and I would love to have either of them near enough to us to be as involved in my son's life as you are in your grand daughter's. What a lucky family you all have. Please keep up the pics!

[Claire (Little Miss)]

I echo the sentiments already posted here. I totally get it - being a close knit family, and all, and especially doting on the grandkids. I do that - a lot. I also do a lot for my daughters, and those who don't know my background don't understand.

Sometimes people are just rude and whatever is going on in their life that they can't deal with spills out onto others.

What a lovely family you have, and how blessed you are to have each other.

[d perkins]

Your blog is lovely and you have a beautiful family. You are doing as most wonderful grandmothers do or should be doing...loving up on that precious child. :) Keep it up! Your sewing skills are amazing. The love you show for your grandchild is even more admirable. Blessings on you and yours.

[brenda]

I would have taken it the same way you did. I love my grandchildren and they spend many days and nights with me. My daughter and son-in-law love them and take very good care of them. You are a very lucky person to get to keep her every day.

[Ellena]

I say that your daughter and her family are very blessed to have such a wonderful Mother and Grandmother. I went to nursing school when my child was young also. I did not live near to any of our family, but wow I often thought how great it would have been if grandma was close by, she would have loved being his caretaker while I was in school. It so great that you are willing to be there for them.
Sometimes people are not sensitive in their comments and they can be hurtful, but you know what the scoop is and that is all that matters. Blessings to all of you
Ellena Greenvill,NC

[Denise]

Autumn,

You rock! Your relationship with your kids is awesome. I love the bits of your life that you share and always look forward to your posts, no matter the subject. Please, do not be discouraged. That person must have been having a very bad day to write something so rude.

[Beth]

Don't change a thing about your blog! My parents sent a picture of my son in their Christmas card, and one of my cousins commented on how ridiculous she thought that was. "He's YOUR child," she said to me. "Yes," I responded, "and he's THEIR grandchild."

[Kristena]

I think it's awesome that you are being a blessing to everyone in your family. We yearn to be closer to family members who could help us when we're in a pinch, but everyone is halfway across the country. You get to help, be creative, AND be with your family. It doesn't get much better than that!

[Rachel]

Oh Autum, I too hope those comments were not meant in a nasty way. But it kind of sounds like they were.
For the record, I love reading your stories about Bayleigh and seeing her pictures. If I didn't enjoy it, I would have moved on long ago and wouldn't keep coming back to visit you. I think it's wonderful that you have such a close family, physically and emotionally. I don't have that and I miss it. You are all so lucky to have each other and to share such love.
Don't let a thoughtless remark get you down. Go an hug your beautiful granddaughter; that'll make you feel better! ♥

[Ricki]

Awww I love those pictures with her Mommy and Daddy, but I love all of the pictures you post!

I don't remember what first brought me to your blog, some sort of sewing search I imagine. I keep you in my blog roll though so that I can see your updates and I love reading ALL of them.

My blog seems to morph along the same way you described. Whatever is taking up the majority of my time is what I blog about, usually it's kids, sometimes it's sewing or creating. I hope people enjoy reading it but it's very personal to me and I know it would bother me too if I received a comment like that. I'm sorry that happened to you.

You have a very eloquent response and I hope the person who left that comment has either moved on or will think twice (maybe three times) before their next comment.

Keep those pictures of Bayleigh coming, she's adorable!

[Veronica]

I am a mother to a girl about Bayleigh's age, and my mother watches her during the day when my husband and I are both working and in school (I just finished the coursework for my MA! Yay!).

And yes, my mother is hosting my daughter's first birthday party, too. Why? Because we have a big, huge family, and she has the space. And because it makes her happy. :)

I feel sorry for the hapless Internet Nobody who felt compelled to judge your choices and your family. Kind of makes you wonder how poor that person's family relationships are.

[linda]

Wow, And all I could think about when I read your post was that I hope my girls live close enough to me when THEY have grandkids that I can do the same kinds of things for THEM! I can't imagine having any other response! :-)

[Taiya]

Sorry to hear that! You have a beautiful family!

[Amber]

Oh - isn't awful when people don't think and then say things that just ruin the day for someone else. So sorry ! I love hearing all about Bayleigh - I think it's wonderful your daughter has you so close and that she doesn't have to worry about her while she's at school...what a blessing that must be for her. I don't know what I'd do if I lived far away from my mom. That's what families are supposed to do for each other - help each other out :-)

[Jamie]

Just like you and others have said, I do not know if the comment that was left was meant to be malicious, but I am glad you addressed it. I almost cried reading this. I am extremely close with one set of my grandparents, they lived in the same town as me. Because of our close relationship my two little girls are extremely close with their great-grandparents. I get so choked up when I see my grandma pushing her great granddaughter on the swing or my grandpa helping her bake cookies. It fills my heart with such joy! I hope you get to experience that with Bayleigh's children.
I know how hard it is to go to college full time while having children. I just graduated college two years ago. I wish my parent's were closer to help with childcare...especially around finals time :) Your daughter is very lucky!
You have shared some very personal stories about your family in the last few months, and I have laughed and cried along with you. I have enjoyed the glimpse into your lives, and I hope you continue to share these with us --as well as your great sewing adventures!

[Kristyn]

Well that was just rude! As a new mom myself I am very jealous of Alyssa. My mom passed away in 2002 and my dad is over an hour away and works basically full time. My MIL lives in Las Vegas (we're in Michigan) and my FIL is also gone. I would love to have family closer to help us out with our son. Bayleigh is lucky to have the closeness of her grandparents. You have a beautiful daughter, son-in-law and granddaughter and have no reason to appologize at all!

[Emily]

I'm glad you shared this. It's touching! Personally, I haven't been reading your blog long enough to know that she wasn't your baby! (kudos for looking young enough!) I have a young baby myself, and am loving the fact that my MIL lives a mile away! She's over for dinner nearly every night and makes life a lot easier/more enjoyable! Coming from a close family myself, this is great (I still have my family... just two states over!). Enjoy your beautiful family!

[UK lass in US]

What could be better than to have a doting grandma live near enough by to lavish attention?

I am always behind the camera, so people could assume from my photo album that I was an absent parent. Instead I have played by far the largest part in my kids' lives. The people that matter know the truth.

[Toby]

You're a grandmother and that's all that needs to be said! I don't comment often, but do stop and read often so for that please keep up the fabulous posts. She's a beautiful little girl and I would post just as much if I were in your position. I think you are all lucky to be so close and so fabulous you can do that to help your daughter who has to be working hard in nursing school. Like you said though, it is YOUR blog.

[juli Elgin]

You just enjoy that beautiful granddaughter of yours and don't let anyone rain on your parade. You have a great family and I can tell there is a lot of love going on there. It shows in you pictures and your posts. I have a little granddaughter who just turned 2 and while they live pretty close I don't get to see her near as much as I would like but you know sometimes life gets in the way. I say spoil her while you can and don't let a day got by that she doesn't know just how much she is loved. What a lucky little girl. Keep posting about the things and ones you love. I enjoy reading about it.

[Cindy]

I have a public sewing blog and a private family blog. On my private blog much of what I blog about is my granddaughter Savannah. I tend her on my off time at work so she is here almost daily while her mother works. Her mom (my daughter) set her schedule so that Savannah doesn't have to go to a sitter and when I'm working she is home with her and while my daughter is working Savannah is here with me. It's a temporary thing until her husband is through school. I find it much more fun to blog about Savannah and her development and cute things she does than it is to blog about my old boring ways. Hopefully you can respond to me at any time on my sewing blog or through email. I've enjoyed your blog since I discovered it and I wish you the best. Cindy

[Karen aka Grammy Mac]

Hi Autum, sometimes I think that it's hard for some to say what they really feel and so what they do say can be very harsh. Maybe this person wishes that they had the kind of relationship with their family that you have with yours. I think that your daughter, sil, and sweet little Bayleigh are so very fortunate to have you there to help out. It's what any good grandma would do if she was able (grandpa, too). I know many people that are in school,,hat have small children and the hardships they have to overcome because of babysitting issues not to mention the expenses that are incurred. I am a firm believer in having family take care of family whenever possible.
What a wonderful way to strengthen family ties. The affect that you will have on that sweet little child are unmeasurable;)

I don't know who said the following, and so can't give credit where credit is due..."The had that rocks the cradle, rules the world." It says nothing about that being only mom and dad.

Treasure the time that you are able to spend with Bayleigh and try to forget about those that would judge you.
YOU ROCK!!!