I did it again!

I let my blog anniversary come and go without a thought, without a mention. It doesn't seem like I've been doing this for two years. My, my, where does time go? And why does it go so much faster the older you get? Why was it so easy for me to post, practically every day back then and now I do good to write a few words once a week? I enjoyed finding material in everyday things, taking a picture of a cake I made or raindrops on ferns. I don't seem to look at things with the same eyes I did then. I miss that. I think that looking at life through those eyes made even the mundane seem important somehow. Now it takes something a little more significant to make me want to take time to document its happening. Somewhere along the way the reason for posting shifted and I never even noticed. I began to filter more, to worry about offending or boring, when the initial desire to start this public diary was to document my everyday. My everyday, not the everyday I thought folks might be interested in. It was my way of saying here I am, this is me, this is what I'm about and what I do with my time. It's what I find interesting and important or what is bugging me. It's what frustrates, frightens, enlightens or delights me. It's my world and what happens in it. That's what I wanted this blog to be and somewhere along the line, just like so many things in life, it got off course, slightly changed direction without me even noticing. With the awareness that there were more than a hand full of people reading my words, I became more careful with the words I put out there. Instead of words or images that mean something to me, I more often reserve this space for words or images that may interest those who read. When I think of it that way, it really makes me a little sad. I don't want this blog to be like reality TV. Like one of those shows that has a camera in the house 24/7 but  condenses it into 30 minutes to an hour and calls it the real life of so and so. When in actuality it's the life they've pieced together and edited to provide entertainment. It's not a true documentation of the lives of those on display. When I started this blog, I saw it as a diary of sorts. I know I've mentioned here before the health issues I have that make me hyper-aware of my own mortality. When you are approaching (and now passed) the age at which your parent died, I think it creates a greater awareness of how short our time in this world is. I have very little tangible evidence of my mothers existence on this earth, most of it is in my memory. I don't want that to be the case for my children or grandchildren. I want them to know who I was and what I was about, from my own perspective, not just from some faded photographs. That's why I started this blog, to put into words and images what my life is about, what I spend my days doing, what makes me laugh and what makes me cry. I believe I still do that to some degree, only these days it seems to be the Readers Digest condensed version. I'm not going to make any New Years proclamations about how I'm going to post every day or anything. I know that would last about three days, but I do want to take some of the filters off, worry less about the interestingness of the material. Hey, in reality I'm not always that interesting, and this is supposed to be my reality, right? If it proves to be boring to some, that's the beauty of choice, they can choose not to read. One day I will print these words, and to the few who will hold it in their hands, it will not matter how many read it online.

Wow, that's not at all the post I sat down here to write. I'm not sure where it came from. I think looking back at those early posts evoked the same feelings I get from seeing an old photograph of myself. That who is that person response. It's hard to believe I looked so young. For me it's hard to believe how new and fresh and excited I felt back then about blogging. Though I have very little control over the effects of time on my appearance, I can control the effect it has on my writing. All it takes is a little change in perspective.

The photo above is a little baby Mary-Jane that I crocheted. It says a lot about what a difference two years can make. I can say with great confidence that when I wrote that very first post, I had no idea in a couple of years I'd know how to crochet or sweet cracker sandwich, that I'd be crocheting a baby-bootie for my first grandchild.

There's nothing like the flipping of a calendar page to throw you into a tailspin of introspective naval gazing, huh?

Comments

[Lil' d]

Good for you. I love seeing what you make etc. but one of the things that I have always liked about your blog is that you are open and show a more realistic - less perfect than many others portray - side of life.

Cute Mary Jane!

[Lesley]

A great thought provoking post! Congratualtions on your two years of blogging and here's to plenty more.
A bit of navel gazing every now and then is no bad thing ;)
Happy 2008!
Lesley xx

[Samantha]

The bootie turned out so cute! I am in the mood to crochet right now, I just finished he most adorable bonnet from a japanese crochet book.

[Sarah]

I think the difference for me at least, from the beginning of Mama & Jack to the current Mama & Jack, is that then I had zero awareness of anyone actually visiting. It was just me and the internet. Now I am acutely aware of the fact that people are looking, visiting, getting ideas, comparing notes, etc. It *does* make you think twice, at least a little. Clearly I am still pretty much in my own world there.

If that makes any sense at all.

Anyway, I, for one, would love to see more of you, to know more of you, to see the mundane, or the ferns in the yard.

And now I am going to go look in the archives of your little blog and see what is in there. :-)

[Jessica Hood]

Happy (late) blogiversary! It's been such a blessing to have "met" you online & to keep up with your adventures through your blog. Hugs from me & Abby!

[Coralee G]

Good for you, one of the things I love about the blog world is that it's "usually" real, and about real people. Keep it real!

[Ali]

I guess that whole self-censoring thing is part of the price of 'success'(which, in blog terms, can only be measured in numbers of readers or comments I suppose).

Like you, I think I prefer the 'me' who wrote in the earlier days of my blog and I do wonder why she disappeared.

If you find out how to get back to that early days of blogging state, I for one will be all ears.

[Paula (Momma Pajama)]

I totally empathize. I have been blogging less than 2 years and I really enjoyed it and didn't care about self-editting the first year, then got all judgemental on myself. Now I'm in a life situation that is totally crappy and I just can't stand to "happy blog" and therefore haven't posted squat for ages. I agree with an above comment. Your blog, while not picture-perfect and thematic like many popular crafty blogs, is one of the most "real" feeling blogs I read. You do whatever you need to do. Journal away, baby! Blessings on your new year!

[Stephanie]

When I first found your blog this summer, I went all the way back to the beginning and read each entry. Took me a few days, but it seemed to be such a good example of what I wanted my blog to be. Not that I've arrived, but I have to say I was sad when you said you wouldn't be posting as much as you had, because I enjoy glimpses into other people's every days. You go, girl.

[Shelley Jo]

I love this post! I think it's true...I find myself saying, "My life is so boring," when I look at what I post on my blog. But my younger brother told me the other day that he didn't find it boring at all! I guess it just seems boring to us because it's so unexciting and uninspiring sometimes...just the day-in and day-out of our existence. But it really *is* what a blog is supposed to be mostly - daily diary entries, a log you keep on the web to share with others.

I really love the thought of your posterity having something to read that will be a window into your past, into what your life was like day-to-day. Perfect!

[Chris Howard]

For me, the most interesting blogs are the ones that are a slice of life. Keep it real and don't worry about us, we'll keep reading.

[Barbara]

What a gorgeous little bootie. Great post. I've been blogging just 5 months and worried about going live in case I felt obliged to perform at some point. Thankfully that hasn't happened (yet)!
I think our lives are exciting in their everydayness and the blogs I like best have that quality shining through -like this one.

[stuffed]

Happy belated blogiversary!

[Mimi]

I accidentally found your blog one day and you inspired me to start blogging again.
Living abroad, I love reading about everyday life back home.Keep it up!

[lla]

Happy, happy blogiversary, sweetpea...

and what a two years it has been, hmmmm?

(and good on you! I'm looking forward to the filters coming down...)

[jemima bean]

Personally, I'd rather read realistic you than edited for content you! :D Yours has always been a great blog, one of the first I started reading. So get real all ya want! We ain't going nowhere. ;)

[Amy Artisan]

Happy Anniversary! What an insightful post about your blogging & life journey over these 2 years. I look forward to seeing what's next on the journey!

[Emily]

Autum, I love your blog, I'm so glad I found yours when I did. It was one of the ones that inspired me to start sharing my life online. I love getting glimpses of other people's every-day existence. It's lovely, and I look forward to sharing more and more sharing! Ha ha! Em

[Oiyi]

Happy Anniversary! The Mary Jane is so sweet.

[Thimbleanna]

Oh Autum, you couldn't be boring if you tried! Congrats on your anniversary -- can't wait to see what this year will bring for you!

[Claire (not Bahrain)]

Happy late blogiversary!
I love to read your blog, what you get up to, what you create, just your life in general. I find it so interesting to read about other peoples lives. It's like walking down the street in the dark and you pass a house with the curtains open, you get a glimpse into their life and an idea of what they are like (not saying that I peer into every one's house, I just like to take a quick look when passing. I'm not a peeping tom, Honest!!!).
I am so glad to have met you Autum, and you are one of my blogging hero's. Please keep it up.

[Sandy]

I love your blog. I hope you blog more often. You are an inspiration. You are able to write like people think. You have no control over how people respond to your blog. When I read your words I am comforted by knowing everyone has ups and downs. It is reasuring to know someone as talented, creative, kind, and thoughtful as you are also has struggles. Keep it up.

[Sandy]

I love your blog. I hope you blog more often. You are an inspiration. You are able to write like people think. You have no control over how people respond to your blog. When I read your words I am comforted by knowing everyone has ups and downs. It is reasuring to know someone as talented, creative, kind, and thoughtful as you are also has struggles. Keep it up.

[Melissa Caligiuri]

Happy blogiversary to you! That little mary jane is just the cutiest :)

Melissa

[Ness]

Thank you for that wonderful blog entry. It spoke to my heart. You tell it like it is and keep it real. And the pink Mary Jane is simply adorable!

Ness
www.dachshundstrong.blogspot.com