To blog or not to blog....

That seems to be the question. The question I've been asking myself at least. Blogging has changed my life. That sounds dramatic, but it's true. I'm sure I look at things differently, think about things I've never thought of before. My sewing has improved. I've made so many friends. Yes blogging has changed my life in so many good ways but has it also made changes that aren't good? Maybe. Quite possibly so. Have I been blind to things I should have seen because of time spent here? Is too much time spent here? Time that would be better spent doing laundry and sweeping or just being available. My house has seen cleaner days and though I get a great deal of enjoyment and satisfaction participating in this sharing of ideas and inspiration and, well... life, I feel a great deal of stress and unhappiness when my surroundings feel so out of order. I wish I didn't. I wish I could have a carefree feeling about dishes in the sink and a floor that needs sweeping, but it isn't in me. I panic at the thought of company. I want to feel comfortable opening my door and enjoying visitors if they come, but that isn't the case. I am tense the whole time anyone is here looking at the dust on the table or the laundry you can see piled up in the laundry room. Things that are likely unnoticed by the visitor seem like neon signs to me, pointing out all my inadequacies.

Is blogging an escape from that? My escape to a world I can keep clean and tidy for when visitors arrive. A welcoming place that is mine and a place I enjoy sharing. Hmmm... isn't it funny how sometimes you answer your own questions just by putting them out there. I've never thought of it in those terms, but surely that's the case. My blog is my clean (most of the time) place. My hangout spot where friends stop by to say hi. It feels nice to be here and keeping it warm and tidy and inviting doesn't require physical exertion that leaves me out of breath and exhausted like in real life. Its a world I can control for the most part. I am admittedly a bit of a control freak and live a life that many times seems so out of my control. My health, my kids, my house.... sigh....yes this blog is my little place, but that's just it, isn't it? It's my place and I am not an island. I have a family that perhaps needs more of my time than I realize, even though they seem so independent.

I've never been career driven. I became a nurse primarily out of financial need. Though I found satisfaction and enjoyment in nursing I always felt guilty for the time I was away from my family. Becoming a wife and mother young, it is who I am, all I know. I'm happy with being a "housewife" and don't feel like I've given up any of myself to live this life. Being a mother has been a badge I've worn proudly for 19 years. A job I've taken very seriously. I've made so many mistakes I'm sorry for but I've tried to be a good mom. I wanted so much to do it right. It nearly broke my heart to send my first bird from the nest last year. It caused me to question what now?  What will I do when they are both gone? Then I found blogs and a whole new world opened up to me. There was so much inspiration that fed my creativity. So much I wanted to try, so many new and beautiful things. So many old and beautiful things. Wonderfully talented people willing to share their knowledge, freely. After reading for a while I wanted to follow suit and just like any craft, I've wanted to improve. Improve the quality of photographs I take, improve my writing skills, improve the "look" of my blog, improve the material I posted on my blog. It has been such a wonderful challenge and has given me so much enjoyment but when I am faced with the fact that it may be taking away from what is really important in my life I have to rethink things. Change and rearrange things.

I don't think the answer is to stop all together, but can I just post on occasion? I know my personality well enough to know the same part of me that decorates and redecorates every corner of my house cannot stand a barely furnished blog. As soon as I finish a project I can't wait to take pictures and share and that takes time. Taking and editing pictures, writing and rewriting a post. Answering comments. That part of blogging is as important to me as anything, the interaction that comments provide. All these things take time and I am faced with asking myself the question, is it time I have to spare? I thought so, but now I'm not so sure. Some questions I have to give some thought to. I don't know what the answer will be, I won't be keeping up the posting every day in November. I guess that's apparent since I haven't posted all weekend, though I seem to making up for it now. So many words and no answers. I have some thinking to do...

Comments

[Céline]

It seems I lived the same "existential" questions few days ago.... Laurence, the girl with whom I started to blog decided to stop our blog and to create another one alone. So it was time to me to think about the interest of blogging. All the questions you asked, I thought about... And, finally, i decided to create my own blog... But to spend less time in it and more time for other things. I can't stop blogging because I need to share with people from all over the world. it is a part of me to communicate and travel by the way of swaps or just letters...
I don't write well in english and I can't explain myself in this language but... I will be really sad and disapointed if you stop your blog because it is a pleasure for me to come and visit you. At the same time, I would understand if you decided to stop..; The best thing for you and for us is that you do the BEST for you. Take care.

[Cathy]

Autum,
I just wanted to say that I am so inspired by your blog! Whatever you decide to do, I hope you find some balance with it all. I have been through what you are experiencing and learned that I love blogging as much as I love my home, family, and friends. The thoughts and feelings that I share there assist me with keeping up in my journals and the new grandbaby's scrapbook --- when I get to starting it! I love the fact that I've blogged for what will be 2 years in December. Time-consuming, yes! but so enjoyable. My advice: follow your heart!

[Leigh]

Autum, I just wanted to say that your blog was one of the first creative, crafty blogs that I found this year, and you have inspired me so much! I even took up sewing again. I would miss you so much if you stopped altogether, but I completely understand the problem. (It must be something in the air...I too just decided I needed to spend less time on the computer, and more time on homemaking, and I don't even have a blog!) I selfishly hope that you continue, even if it's only once a week (or month!) Hugs, Leigh in TX

[katie]

I go through the same thing every few months. I have been blogging off and on for about two and a half years, and it really does take time. When I quit altogether--totally shutting down my blog--I missed it (even though I had a brand new baby). I didn't like being blogless when I left comments on other blogs (because I still read them, even when I didn't post). Every time I finished a baby sweater, or whatever, I had a really strong urge to post about it. So I started my blog back up, and I do go through dry spells, but I mostly keep it going. I have been thinking about taking a big month-long break until Christmas is over, but I don't know. I really did like being offline over this past week while we were out of town.

I guess I said all that to say that whatever you do is going to be right, and it doesn't have to be permanent.

[Pam]

Well you're on target with so many people's feelings about blogging. I enjoy your blog and have been inspired by it. I wish you well with your decision!

[Tanya Nichols]

OH friend, the pressures of blogging can get to you, I think it was the blogging everyday...I loved seeing what you had to say and I had time to read a long beautifully written post when you wanted to post at your leisure....hehe you will feel the pull of the blog-love again...just go with the flow....see you soon! Your friend, Tanya

[Alicia P.]

Autum,
I think it is so important to ask these questions, individually and as a community. I feel overwhelmed by blogging sometimes, and I made a promise to myself a long time ago that I would do what I had to do to keep doing it -- doing the part of it that I like, which is writing and taking pictures. Answering questions, helping other people find supplies or make more stuff, responding to comments, reading other blogs -- those things are second to the rest of it, I must admit. I only have so much time and energy. Usually I feel okay about that, somedays the unanswered stuff haunts me. But I have a terrible memory, so I just let it go. My hope is that as a community, we can appreciate different styles of blogging as we can different styles of anything else -- and appreciate and be grateful for what anyone chooses to give, when they choose to give it.

[jen]

I hear ya sister! I had to kick some dust bunnies to get to this computer and now here I sit. Sit SIT SIT! Coincidentally I'm currently in the middle of a self induced daily blogging stretch...still don't know why. Will be interesting to see if I hate it by the New Year. Thanks for putting words to the thoughts of many.

[Lauren]

These are the very questions I have been "chewing on". Thanks for your post...I felt rather guilty about not blogging each day as I had in the past and it is nice to know I am not alone in re-evaluating how blogging fits into life.

[laurie]

Hi Autum! Just popping in to say that I think we all wrestle with this question at some point. I can only say that for me, I decided early on in my blogging life that I would post when I can and not apologize when I'm busy in my non-blogging life. I figured it was a slippery slope to feeling bad all of the time because life inevitably gets busy and the blog will often have to wait. Of course, I still feel guilty when it's been a long time between posts or if I don't have time to comment on favorite blogs. But giving myself the guideline early on of not having to apologize for it makes it easier to remember that it's OK -- even epected -- that life will get busy and that's how things should be. There's nothing wrong with it at all. :)

[rebecca]

I am going through this very same dilemma at the moment. I discoered this wonderful blog world whilst on maternity leave and felt compelled to join in, but having returned to work I am finding it a struggle to keep up. It makes me feel a whole lot better knowing I am not the only one who gets stressed out by this, hope you find your own answers soon. x

[Sue]

I have only recently found your gem of a blog and would miss you if it was gone entirely. Remember though, it is YOURS and you must do what you need to do to be HAPPY! Blog or not to blog, that is the question...well, I hope you get what I am saying! : ) Never allow it to stress you. I just hit 50 this year and have decided to let a lot of things *go*. I just want to enjoy the little things and not sweat the petty and "who cares if it gets done" things. Your blog helped me see that most of us share these ideas. There is comfort in that. For now, I am enjoying your wonderful blog and fresh approach. Thank you for sharing....you are amazing!

Fond regards from a new blogger,
Sue

[Patty]

Just do what's best for you!
I've been asking myself similar questions recently.
I still haven't found the answer, I'm afraid.
No matter what you'll choose to do, your blog is very inspirational,Autumn. Thanks for sharing !

[Molly Adams]

The selfish side of me says, "NO, Autmn, No!!" The understanding side of me says, " Yes, Autumn, I understand!!" Then the rational part of me says, "make it a happy medium, do it when it is good for you!" This comes from a person who is like you and wants to give 150% to everything and a happy medium is sometimes hard! I have been sitting here wondering how you do it all! I am just trying to get a website up, and it is so time consuming, especially pictures, downloads, etc. Just know that you have an awesome support system and we all want you to do what is best for Autum!!

[deborah]

Wonderful post. I hear Ya, Sister!

[Monica]

I hope you find your answer and it brings you joy. You really hit the nail on the head for many of us. I really like what was said on another comment... "Blog to live not live to blog" (and said by a Monica no less!).

[Teresa Sheeley]

What a breath of fresh air you are. This was a post I really relate to. It is me! Isn't it funny how we all come from such different places in the world, but our hearts are so much the same. Empty nest syndrome is what I am dealing with now, and in my latest post and say I have to keep myself busy, busy, busy. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

[stephanie]

thanks for sharing your feelings about this subject...i share many of them. last year i decided to go on a blog hiatus. when i stopped, i was pretty sure i wasn't going to return, but soon began to see the value in what i had been creating through my blog. i really recommend a blog vacation...i plan to do it again sometime soon.

love your tree header!

[mary jane]

You'll never have time to read all these! I'm like you at the beginning now, new to it all and excited about it..except for the tech issues. There is nothing wrong with an occasional post. You can save up the good stuff for a rainy day.

[grumperina]

You are brave for even admitting this to yourself! Very often I feel the same exact way, and my life isn't even as full as yours (no kids, house, etc.). It scares me to cut back on my little blogging world, but other aspects of my life are in dire need of attention, it seems! It's not an easy decision...

[B]

While many would hate to see you blog less or stop blogging altogether I can completely relate to your feelings. I had a blog for 2 weeks this summer. In a house buzzing with a 3 year old and a 5 month old (at the time) I quickly realized that time spent blogging would be robbing me, and them, of special time we couldn't get back.

[myra]

Oh yes! I so completely relate and think pretty much the same thing all the time, because it does take so much time.

I hope you find the right answers for you.

[purejuice]

forgive me, but i don't think a clean house is as important as community and creativity. hire a maid. entertain in restaurants. picasso did it. you can too.

[bethy]

just a thought...we seem to think alike on things and i wondered if you had read joyce meyer's book, "in pursuit of peace." i am reading it now and it is helping me make peaceful choices. just wanted to pass that along. :) all the best to you, bethy

[The Shopping Sherpa]

I hear what you're saying and have been saying to friends recently that my blog sometimes feels like a squaking presence in the corner of my life at all times thus raising the ambient base stress level. "Must feed the blog. What am I going to feed the blog today? Oh no! I haven't posted for two days - the blog will be getting very restless!" Part of it, I'm sure is "New toy itis" which will settle into a more natural pattern once the blog hits one.