On the outside looking in

So many times in my life I've felt different. All of my life I guess. I've written here about the fact that I was raised primarily by my grandmother. And though now I know she was a precious gift and the most wonderful parent anyone could ever have, growing up I just wanted to have what everyone else had. A mom and dad and a nice house. A normal family. We didn't have much money. We lived in a trailer and had an old beater car. My mom came in and out of my life and struggled with addiction and I didn't know my father until a few years ago. I have given a lot of thought lately to my childhood and how events in your childhood stay with you all your life. I always felt like I was on the outside looking in. Like everyone else's life was normal and mine was something else. Now as an adult I know that things aren't always as they appear and those families I thought were so perfect had problems of their own. Why do I still feel like I am on the fringe of things, like I don't belong or don't quite measure up? Some days blogging can be like therapy for me others it makes me feel like I need therapy. Some days the incredible work out there inspires me, other days it frustrates the crap out of me. I see some of the wonderful blogs out there and it makes me feel like I did as a kid. Like I don't really belong. It is hard not to make comparisons. So this medium can be uplifting but if you let it, it can shake your confidence. My logical mind knows I am only doing this to myself but the heart doesn't always listen to logic. I so much appreciate all the kind comments from wonderful people and it makes me feel both happy and unworthy. I started this blog for myself as a way to say I existed and this is what I did with myself. I had no idea anyone would read it, but people did read. I have to tell you sometimes when I look back at old posts I feel a little naked, like I'm sure I will looking back at this post. Why on earth did I post something so personal?  I guess it is because ultimately I still do this for me. It is a reflection of who I am and what I am feeling and this week I have felt a little on the outside looking in.  Hormones? Probably, but does that make the feelings less real? Thinking about this I tried to think of what others may think of me or my family looking in from the outside. What misconceptions might people have about us?